Vanilla is a term used by people in the sex community to describe people who are less adventurous or kinky than them. It can be seen as a slur against character, but the majority of times it's used as a broad description of a subsection of society.
The term has different connotations to different people so it's hard to find a strong definition of it. To me vanilla describes people who are closed minded and think that sex is "dirty" or "wrong" and people who won't try things that seem "kinky" irregardless of how tame they are. It's more of a stubbornness than a general dislike or fear.
Vanilla is a term more or less born out of humanities desire to distinguish themselves from the crowd and to draw differences and feel superior where there probably isn't any need to do so. There's a need in most societies to think that you are different and special, this is hard to do with sex because of the privacy of it. People are unwilling to talk openly about sex and sexuality so we make assumptions about the public to make ourselves feel more individual.
It's only through using toys and being part of the sex toy testing at various communities that I've learned to be less assumptious about the people around me. There's no one type of person who's more willing to try things sexually, and the same applies to those who seem like they will be vanilla.
Sometimes relationships fail because of miss matched sex drives and desires. Sometimes one partner can be more experienced and this can cause issues. There's no right or wrong way to encourage a partner who is "vanilla" to try different things but there's some tips that might help.
The term has different connotations to different people so it's hard to find a strong definition of it. To me vanilla describes people who are closed minded and think that sex is "dirty" or "wrong" and people who won't try things that seem "kinky" irregardless of how tame they are. It's more of a stubbornness than a general dislike or fear.
Vanilla is a term more or less born out of humanities desire to distinguish themselves from the crowd and to draw differences and feel superior where there probably isn't any need to do so. There's a need in most societies to think that you are different and special, this is hard to do with sex because of the privacy of it. People are unwilling to talk openly about sex and sexuality so we make assumptions about the public to make ourselves feel more individual.
It's only through using toys and being part of the sex toy testing at various communities that I've learned to be less assumptious about the people around me. There's no one type of person who's more willing to try things sexually, and the same applies to those who seem like they will be vanilla.
Sometimes relationships fail because of miss matched sex drives and desires. Sometimes one partner can be more experienced and this can cause issues. There's no right or wrong way to encourage a partner who is "vanilla" to try different things but there's some tips that might help.
- Communication is key, talk about what turns you on and try to think and explain why it turns you on. Granted this is trickier than it sounds but it could be the difference between a partner accepting and trying and them not wanting to try.
- Don't push it. take small steps. For example if your partner doesn't like sex with the lights on try some soft candles first, or talk to them about why they don't like it. Ask them if there's anything that you can do to help and do not push them past their limits, doing this could make them more reluctant to try again. If a partner has been pushed or coerced by an ex than it is up to you to demonstrate that you are not like that, to make them feel safe and to establish a high level of trust.
- Getting your partner to relax could help immensely. Do something that they enjoy and that helps them switch off from everyday life. It's hard to feel adventurous or be open to new ideas when you're stressed out or feel rushed.
- Above all be patient. Habits and beliefs formed over a considerable time can be hard to change and pressure from others will make a person less likely to want to change. There's a fine line between being supportive and being perceived as being pushy and what you feel is supportive could come off as pushy to your. talking in a non judgemental way will help establish what parties are feeling and how to word things in the best way. In the end though if a partner is unable or unwilling to change it may just be that you have to accept them as they are.
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