Tuesday 16 October 2012

Internet dating 101 - or how to date online without looking like a total creep

As I was single for a considerable amount of time I was trying internet dating, for the best part of 2 to 3years.  Through that I have met some great people and some not so great ones, but have found some common themes in the hundreds of profiles I've read and the thousands of messages I've seen and sent.

The topic of creepy people on dating websites has been covered by lots of writers, many who are better and funnier than me. Because of this I'm not going to cover anything like that, but feel free to look around online for examples.One of the things that I never understood about internet dating was how it seems that plenty of polite, people seem to forget their manners and any social skills they have.  What is normal to say on the internet would never be said in any other social realm.

Tip 1 - have an interesting profile with some individual information about yourself
You may love football, beer and going to the gym, but so does everyone else.  That's more or less a staple of online dating profiles. By no means omit this from your statements about yourself, especially if it is an important part of your life - but give me something else to go on.  Say which teams you like, or what beer is your favorite.  Make sure if you are stating things like "I like video games and anime" that you tell me a few titles - so I don't have to waste yours and my time by asking the silly questions first.


Tip 2 - more information is better than less
Some people feel that if they list a lot of things on their dating profile potential dates will switch off or not want to message them.  This is linked to tip 1, in that short sharp statements have very little use.  For me and plenty of other people this is simply not the case.  I would rather know more about a person to make a valuation of them than chat to someone for a while and have it become apparent that there is nothing we share in common.  Internet dating is there for speed and convenient for most of it's users, and it is more convenient to read all the information than to have the long and protracted process of asking someone for it.

Tip 3 - make your messages individual
Many people on dating websites tend to get a lot of generic messages that are clearly sent out to a lot of people.  These messages can be spotted most of the time by the fact that they are incredibly short and impersonal, usually just a "hi how r u" or, even worse "want sex with me".  Once I even got one of those messages that simply stated "sex?"

Tip 4 - Be honest with your photographs
I once went on a date with someone off of a dating site who was considerably heavier and more overweight than he was in his photograph.  We all know that physical looks shouldn't be an issue but dating sites tend to be more clinical and instant than traditional dating and meeting people.  On some level in any dating situation looks do affect people.  

Tip 5 - Have fun, but be honest with what you want
 Dating can be fun, exciting and a good way to meet people.  However it can wear you down and make you feel a little more self conscious than  if you were not trying to find someone.  It would help if before taking any steps online that you asses what you want and why.  Everyone have their own reasons for dating, and it may save you much heartache and failed dates if you know roughly what you are looking for.   Meeting someone who is funny and nice and that you click with can feel amazing, so long as you want to be going in the same or similar directions with your life.  If you are looking for casual sex and meet someone who is looking for relationships things may not go smoothly.

I hope these tips may help people find someone off of dating sites, or at least make it more simple to navigate the minefield that is dating.  It's not easy meeting that special someone in any walk of life, online or offline. Most of all I wish you all luck in your adventures!

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