Relationships and Experiences

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New Relationship Energy

New Relationship Energy (or NRE) is a term used in the Polyamorous community to describe the feelings of happiness and joy that comes with a new partner or relationship.  Sometimes It's called the honeymoon period amongst vanilla people.  It happens to some extent in all relationships and just totally relying on these feelings can spell disaster.  NRE can happen in new relationships in poly situations, which can then have an effect on other more established relationships, just as it can happen to monogamous couples.  NRE lasts different lengths of time depending on the people and their individual relationships.

I get badly affected by NRE.  It's happening now in my relationship with Doc.  Feelings are flying everywhere for both of us and are generally making things slightly more complicated than they should be in a more casual/ fuck buddy relationship.  I tend to feel really loved and happy when in NRE, and that the person I am seeing is the best ever, that I could build a life with them.  It's all rainbows and unicorn farts which probably makes me annoying to those around me.  If I let these feelings run away with themselves it can often lead to me feeling rejected and unwanted (which is exacerbated by the years of emotional abuse that lends itself to feeling like that anyway)  While in NRE I feel like I always want a serious relationship with the person I am involved with which leads to me rushing ahead of myself sometimes.

There are ways to cope with NRE and to manage any potentially negative consequences:

The best way to deal with NRE is through open discussion with your partner(s) and to acknowledge that these feelings will not last forever.  With NRE there is a tendency to want to spend every opportunity with the new partner - often forsaking friends, family and other things in your life.  This can make it harder when the NRE wears off and you want to spend time in a more balanced way.  Acknowledging NRE and making an effort to keep things balanced will at least help.

After NRE is gone it's important to develop a more lasting and committed relationship with the partner in question.  You might not be doing as much impressive stuff as you were in the dating stage - but it is still important to keep the sparks there.  Do things occasionally that replicate that excitement, but remember that the established and deep connection you now probably share is just as good - if not better.  bonding during the NRE period sets you up for a deeper level of commitment and

NRE in most people is fun, exciting and in no way problematic.  Enjoy the new stages of the relationship and don't stress out about it. You may even look back on it fondly in the future.

Anal adventures and complicated relationships

Anal sex is something that I have never tried very much and have never been curious about.  I have owned butt plugs and anal beads in the past but didnt use them more than once or twice because I didn't get much enjoyment out of them.

  When Junior and I started discussing the opportunity of being fuck buddies he mentioned that he liked anal sex, and that he would like it, but wasnt fussed if I didn't want to do it.  He understood my reasons not to - the time it takes to prepare, the potential mess and the planning involved that breaks the mood.

   All my reasons were mental blocks, more than me purley not liking anal sex, as I had never tried it with a partner before.  During my dalliances with Junior I have broken some of the mental blocks about other things, such as not liking semen inside me for too long and having to have things to clean off with instantly. 

  I got thinking of anal sex, and how it would play out between me and him, suggesting that we try it.  The idea kinda sat there for a while with both of us and we didn't try it the next time we saw each other, I thought he had forgotten about it.  Junior is awesome in many ways, but at this stage is not comfortable leading and initiating things which I expected him to with this due to being the one who has had anal before. Once we got going with it I found out that anal is really pleasurable for me, that I get turned on at the idea of someone taking me and owning me in such a way, that it feels dirty and wrong and taboo.  Anal sex for me is about trusting someone so completely and letting them take over my body.

  I like breaking the mental barriers I have placed on myself, it wasn't painful, there was very little preparation needed and if there was any mess, Junior was a gentleman and did not let me see it.  Sex between me and him is awesome and I really don't want it to stop!

However things are getting more complicated between us.  This isn't bad - we seem to be doing a lot of couple-y stuff like me meeting his friends, and spending a lot of time together just cuddling and being in each others company.  I wouldn't necessarily change this for anything as it is leaving me happy and fulfilled but sometimes it is a little confusing.  We are communicating with each other about it clearly, and feel the same which is good.  New relationship energy gets the better of me sometimes and makes me want to push things further than they should be - so I have to check myself to stop me from doing something silly.  it's not particularly stressing me out at the moment and I don't think it will be.  I'm just really happy to be getting fucked regularly and to be trying new things!

As an aside I will be changing Juniors nickname to Doc - as he does not like the current one!

Single Again.

Me and S have split up.  There's never really been the whole "we are over" defining point, so I'm still not sure when it happened.  All I know is I'm single and the break up is proving difficult.

I don't want to be nasty about him, or be immature in my handling of it.  This seems to be the main thing that's causing problems at the moment.  S is not as mature as me, he's not as hopeful ( or, most likely, naive) about us remaining friends.  There's a lot of social isolation that goes on through a break up, and this is hitting me hard.  I don't have many friends at all, and he is the only person I really know within the city. 

S is also incredibly selfish.  Every interaction must be on his terms, every meeting will be when he wants.  It was like this in our relationship and is one of the main reasons we broke up.  I wanted to be able to rely on him and to have some emotional support when I needed it, which he could not (or, thinking about it, would not) provide.  

It's hard to be friends with someone who will not do the normal give and take any friendship needs to survive.  It's annoying when he cancels plans vindictively, prioritises things above me or even lies to me about being ill and then is suddenly better later in the day.  I know I am not asking too much to see someone on my schedule, or to have plans made and stuck to.  I am wondering how long I can deal with him being like this before I simply move on.

We did share nearly a year together, and he was my first proper partner.  I am bound to be upset and feel badly about the break up for a while.  I am wondering though how long I will have to torture myself and put myself second in order to try to have a healthy friendship when it would be so much easier to cut him out of my life.

I did not really blog about my relationship, because there was nothing to blog about.  Sex was not really that adventurous or often and S was not as into kink as I was.  The sex we had was average to most people so I did not really see the point of writing about it.  Unemployment, then work and chronic fatigue meant I did not get many review products or contribute much to the on-line communities.  This is a shame as I do enjoy blogging, even if I do not really have any major followings or readerships.

The main thing is that I am healing, and trying to better myself through this process.  I have learnt what works for me and what does not and hopefully I shall feel ready to date again.

Internet dating 101 - or how to date online without looking like a total creep

As I was single for a considerable amount of time I was trying internet dating, for the best part of 2 to 3years.  Through that I have met some great people and some not so great ones, but have found some common themes in the hundreds of profiles I've read and the thousands of messages I've seen and sent.

The topic of creepy people on dating websites has been covered by lots of writers, many who are better and funnier than me. Because of this I'm not going to cover anything like that, but feel free to look around online for examples.One of the things that I never understood about internet dating was how it seems that plenty of polite, people seem to forget their manners and any social skills they have.  What is normal to say on the internet would never be said in any other social realm.

Tip 1 - have an interesting profile with some individual information about yourself

You may love football, beer and going to the gym, but so does everyone else.  That's more or less a staple of online dating profiles. By no means omit this from your statements about yourself, especially if it is an important part of your life - but give me something else to go on.  Say which teams you like, or what beer is your favorite.  Make sure if you are stating things like "I like video games and anime" that you tell me a few titles - so I don't have to waste yours and my time by asking the silly questions first.

Barriers

If you've read my previous post you will know I'm in a semi new relationship. You could also probably gather that I am sex mad and love the fact I'm now getting sex more than once a year

Sex has always been something that has been a little impersonal and emotionless to me. This is due to the more casual nature of my hook ups, I don't need to feel emotionally connected to someone to have sex with them on a purely physical level, particuarly when there's no need to help or give that person more pleasure than I want to, which happens a lot with the selfish nature of casual sex. With that in mind there's always a barrier between me and that person, on a psychological level, and also a physical level through the use of condoms.

Since I've not had a steady partner I have always practiced safe sex. Condoms however make things less sensitive, stop the natural flow of events, requires some level of planning and feel horrible. No one really likes condoms, but using them is needed and I have always been careful about it. In a relationship all of this changes of course, provided there's contraception and both parties know they are free of STI's.  Both me and S have tested clean (I have twice - more than three months apart) and feel safe to stop using condoms as a contraceptive method and have no need to use them as an STI prevention due to our poly group being a closed one. (I am on hormonal contraceptives also)

Problem is we both seem to have some emotional significance to the use of condoms.  I have never had sex without condoms, which is good but maybe the reason why it is emotionally significant to me.  It does not feel as close mentally to me using them as it probably will without and it feels like we are making a commitment to each other when we stop using them (this hasn't happened yet - but next time we see each other probably will)

I honestly don't really know how I feel about it. At the moment emotional sex has been pleasant and a lot better than sex I have had with previous partners. It's often times pleasure enough for me to make my partner feel happy or have penetrative sex to just feel close to him.  I don't think much will change without them but only time will really tell!

new beginnings

It's been a while since I posted on here- there's several reasons for it, but I shan't bore you with them when i have something a lot more interesting to discuss!

    

I think I finally have a boyfriend :D

Me and S met about a month ago and have clicked quite well. due to me being unemployed and him being in a non 9 to 5 job we have managed so far to spend quite a bit of time together (this is about to change due to S' new job, but it's not a big deal as we will now have weekends) As it's been such a short amount of time I'm not really sure on things like titles (we don't really need them, but its why i *think* rather than just have)

    

 We share the same interests and some similar hobbies, and just like hanging out together. this last weekend with him i just chilled and watched him play black mesa on steam, happy to be with him.

It is however early days, and although we both feel confident that this is a viable relationship there are some things we need to do more carefully than others due to him (and by extension most likely me in the future) being polyamorous with another (more primary and established) relationship. There's also the fact that I have never had a committed romantic relationships so have nothing to base my experiences on. That however can be a whole other post when I've had time to think about the formats of it and analysed how I feel a little bit more. polyamory is a new type of relationship to me so I'm not the best person to be posting and talking about it.

   

All in all though the thought of spending time with him and actually being with him gives me the warm fuzzies that any relationship should

As a side note I am wondering how readers (if there are any) like the layout and format of the blog, eg the adverts and backgrounds, text formatting and colour scheme.  I'd appreciate some feedback on this as I would like to make this blog the best it can be. I know my spelling and grammar need improvement (which is tricky due to dyslexia) so there is that to work on.

A week is a long time in sex.

This past fortnight has been one amazing rollercoster of sexual adventure for me, from a low to some brilliant highs!

In a previous post I mentioned the possibility of G the 1st becoming a fuck buddy ( or at least someone to have a one off vanilla sex session with)

We had arranged a date and as it got closer we continued texting. The more we talked the more I realised that he was painfully inexperienced and vanilla, he assumed that he wouldn't like a simple cock ring ( the lovehoney basic ring). It became apparent that he probably wouldn't show, and come the day before our rendezvous he text to cancel.

I must admit that though the sex would have been vanilla I was a little disappointed. I honestly though that it was my one and only chance for sex and that it would be a very long time till I got the opportunity!

and now for the high...

As I have previously written there's always been a curiosity for BDSM play experience, which i thought would be a long time coming. Out of curiosity i joined Fetlife - an online community. Not expecting any offers of play or anything, but to arm myself with information and to find out about kinks that I may not have thought about, but could add to my sex life.

The day I joined I had an offer from J, a Dominant whom was keen to meet and to help me experience kink. Being intrigued we set about communicating and eventually met up

So far there's a long list of things I have tried and loved, from normal penetrative sex ( which I have done before of course) to spanking with various rubber whips and even electrotorture using the TENS kit and a violet wand. I have always wanted to use a violet wand toy, to see if it is different from the TENS kit that I all ready have. the feeling of a violet wand is more precise, like a pins and needles feeling but more pleasurable and slightly more intense.

BDSM is so much more powerful emotionally than I ever thought it would be, and my fears about it being similar pain to what I have experienced in an unpleasurable setting was totally unfounded. There's something quite beautiful about being able to let go and to trust someone to inflict pain in a way that is both safe and pleasurable. being submissive and having sensory deprivation toys used makes you slip into a head space that is calm and totally clear - which is amazing during stressful times.

J has a lot of tools and implements that I simply haven't had access to. A slave table has to be a favorite. being bound face down onto a table is fun, especially when there are access points to my tits and pussy! I also tried a fucking machine - a lot of fun and so different from normal masturbation. The Hitachi magic wand is a really versatile tool to use. directly on my clit it is too intense for me to bear - J's favorite is to bind and gag me then place it on my clit and follow me around the bed with it as I try to escape. However used against the mons and pussy lips it can make me orgasm in under a minute! For something similar to the Hitatchi try Lovehoney's 7 speed wand essentials toy. we experimented with hot wax, something that is impossible to do on your own. the feeling of the warm wax hitting the skin is really sensual and gets even better as it slowly hardens. Having a trail of wax run down the pussy lips is a strange but great sensation.

There's been many firsts. I never thought I would be able to orgasm standing up, but the combination of intense nipple torture ( 1o oz weights suspended from clover clamps feel great) and clit play whilst my hands were bound and held high to the ceiling managed to get me there.

I've ticked off many fantasies too, such as being fucked while gagged,blindfolded and bound. I've had my breasts bound - a feat I thought would be impossible. Nipple play really turns me on, the rush of blood to a nipple that has been clamped then released is a feeling like none other.

There's nothing about the BDSM that I've tried that was bad or unpleasurable. I found that I suffered "sub drop" quite easily on the first meeting, the feeling of mild upset that has no mental or logical reasoning behind it is quite intimidating if you don't know it's coming and don't know what it is. However on my second meeting ( which this blog is being written from) sub drop hasn't happened. Sub drop is easily dealt with by communication, support and aftercare by the Dominant.

At the moment my tolerance for pain is fairly low with implements like whips and Canes (I can stand more with electro toys like violet wands though, in fact the highest setting on the machine that J uses)

All in all I would class myself as submissive. the thought of having full control over someone elses sexual autonomy leaves me cold. Don't get me wrong, in a relationship I want to be an equal partner, I just don't mind being tied up and treated like the dirty little slut I am from time to time.

fuck buddy possibility.

Recently I've been in contact with G the 1st. it's been a good three years since we talked, though there's been sporadic texts through uni. Now I'm home and absolutely gagging for sex, which he is too. He's made no promises about meeting as he works full time and I'm looking for a job ( though unemployed atm) so it all depends on work.
I'm hopeful in a way, that I'll finally have some sex, feel less frustrated and enjoy it in the meantime. However nothings set in stone, we haven't been through the conditions of shagging ( like condom use, limits, likes and dislikes) so it's more of a hopeful optimism than real excitement I guess.
whatever happens the blog will be updated with something more interesting in a week or so.

Vanilla

Vanilla is a term used by people in the sex community to describe people who are less adventurous or kinky than them. It can be seen as a slur against character, but the majority of times it's used as a broad description of a subsection of society.

The term has different connotations to different people so it's hard to find a strong definition of it. To me vanilla describes people who are closed minded and think that sex is "dirty" or "wrong" and people who won't try things that seem "kinky" irregardless of how tame they are. It's more of a stubbornness than a general dislike or fear.

Vanilla is a term more or less born out of humanities desire to distinguish themselves from the crowd and to draw differences and feel superior where there probably isn't any need to do so. There's a need in most societies to think that you are different and special, this is hard to do with sex because of the privacy of it. People are unwilling to talk openly about sex and sexuality so we make assumptions about the public to make ourselves feel more individual.

It's only through using toys and being part of the sex toy testing at various communities that I've learned to be less assumptious about the people around me. There's no one type of person who's more willing to try things sexually, and the same applies to those who seem like they will be vanilla.

Sometimes relationships fail because of miss matched sex drives and desires. Sometimes one partner can be more experienced and this can cause issues. There's no right or wrong way to encourage a partner who is "vanilla" to try different things but there's some tips that might help.

• Communication is key, talk about what turns you on and try to think and explain why it turns you on. Granted this is trickier than it sounds but it could be the difference between a partner accepting and trying and them not wanting to try.

• Don't push it. take small steps. For example if your partner doesn't like sex with the lights on try some soft candles first, or talk to them about why they don't like it. Ask them if there's anything that you can do to help and do not push them past their limits, doing this could make them more reluctant to try again. If a partner has been pushed or coerced by an ex than it is up to you to demonstrate that you are not like that, to make them feel safe and to establish a high level of trust.

• Getting your partner to relax could help immensely. Do something that they enjoy and that helps them switch off from everyday life. It's hard to feel adventurous or be open to new ideas when you're stressed out or feel rushed.

• Above all be patient. Habits and beliefs formed over a considerable time can be hard to change and pressure from others will make a person less likely to want to change. There's a fine line between being supportive and being perceived as being pushy and what you feel is supportive could come off as pushy to your. talking in a non judgemental way will help establish what parties are feeling and how to word things in the best way. In the end though if a partner is unable or unwilling to change it may just be that you have to accept them as they are.

Emotion and sex

It's well known that the emotional state of a person can determine how they feel about sex and relationships. It's something I've thought about quite regularly recently and how things in my life have affected my sexual identity

It is no secret that my childhood and teenage years were not plain sailing. my parents were passive and at times were cruel and emotionally unavailable. My sister was violent at times, though nothing i couldn't defend myself against. I was badly bullied throughout compulsory education and I self harmed to deal with the issues within my life, I've dealt with all this on a level in my everyday life however, and I feel positive for the future.

I've been wondering about how this is all relevant to my sexual identity.
I like the idea of BDSM, particularly submission and experiencing pain. It seems scary to me that something i relied on as an emotional crutch in a time i don't want to go back to would become something that turns me on so much. It's a worry that even though i like the pain element it could become just as destructive as the self injury ever was. I have not tried anything like BDSM and submission to date, so it seems as if it will be something that will probably be best explored in a stable relationship.

Trust and love are also things that can be tricky for me to get right. Because of my parents coldness to feelings and displays of affection i find it very hard to gauge how others display feelings and the levels of care that they have. If i am not careful sometimes i can trust someone that probably shouldn't have that much of an effect over me or mistake simple friendship for something more that it is. I am getting better at this with age, but there's still potential for destructive tendencies

I don't really know why I wanted to write about this, other than to try and find what is "normal" for other people, to gain another perspective, or to figure out if there's areas I may need to work on while single. I know i will never be able to forgive and forget what has happened in my past, but a major part of moving on is figuring out how it's shaped me as a person.

singledom

being single is kind of annoying to me now.
even dating sites are loosing their appeal. there's a lot of people I see multiple times in my matches, and if they didn't reply the first time it's not like they're suddenly going to become interseted.
there is no one on the scene, and vauge interest from someone who uses "maybe" and "might" when reffering to my offers of travelling home to fuck his brains out is more than infuriating!
Although it's a bit lonley and things, at least having toys is fun.

I've also been seriously considering getting a Vertical Clitoral Hood piercing. Anyone have one of them? Does it really take at least 3 weeks for it to heal? 3 weeks of chastity wouldn't be realistic for me, I can barley go a day without! does it enhance sex dramatically or numb the area.
If you were to have sex with someone for the first time and you found out they had a genital piercing would it put you off at all?

Dating Disasters

As most readers should know I am single, and currently looking for a fuck buddy or even a long term relationship.

In the course of this I have been on some dates, mostly being pretty disastrous.

Last Autumn i met up with someone in a city near where I live, we'd agreed to go to an art museum because it was free and we were both pretty poor at the time. When we arrived He started moaning about how he hated it there and didn't bother looking at any of the exhibits, at times actually pulling me through some of the halls! He'd talked online for ages about how he loved the particular museum and things so I'd assumed he would let me look through them in peace. what was worse was he refused to go into any gallery that had artwork from other cultures or countries and got really pissy when i went in them without him! Just as i thought the day couldn't get any worse we went to the cafe for a drink. at which point he decided to melt chocolate into his tea and drink it from a spoon! I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. He repeatedly stated that he didn't want a girlfriend ( which is a lot different from what he had said online) and how his family were god awful and all his friends were out to get him, as if paranoia is somehow attractive.
So we finished looking through the museum, and then went for a walk around the town centre, where he made a point of talking to every shop assistant there was, even if he wasn't buying anything and there was a que of people waiting to be served. He had no idea of any of the social rules that are at play in public, and it was just a really awkward day.

You would think that i would have learned from this experience but it seems that this is just t the kind of guy i attract! Recently I went on a first date with someone from around uni, to the local student pub, below his student accommodation. He turned up late, then left me on my own in the pub to go get cash, despite walking past 4 machines on his way to the pub from the lecture halls. He then started to talk loudly about his political ideas, and would not accept any reasonable debate against it. At one point he tried to deny the common knowledge proven facts, stating that I knew nothing when the information is part of my degree. We then went on to talk about hobbies and interests. whenever he got excited he would shout louder, throw his arms about and squeal. I could see people actually pointing and laughing at us, yet he was totally oblivious to it all. I did feel bad when i made my excuses after half an hour or so, but I do think that i gave it a fair chance.

All in all that date was kinda depressing, I know I'm not attractive conventionally or anything, but all I would like is a partner who shares some of my interests and knows how to behave in a relationship and in public. surely that's not too much to ask for?

Fuck buddies

I've had a fuck buddy in the past, when i was 18 i lost my virginity to the Canadian, after which we decided to just have casual sex. To be honest i would absolutley adore having another relationship like this. Sex with the canadian was boring, vanilla and very selfish on his behalf. Another fuck buddy like that would be pointless, but i can see the attraction in getting sex and being satisfied without the emotional baggage of a relationship! I am wiser than i was then, so its a certainty that i wouldn't put up with such crap.
I am, at the moment trying to find a long term committed partner ( as in a boy/girlfriend) but it gets really tricky when it comes down to the fact that i am highly sexed and i do worry sometimes that being so open and honest with those i meet can be a little off putting.
It's a theory of mine that just having regular sex with someone might make it a little easier to meet someone and not want to fuck their brains out just 'cause im desperatley horny and haven't got laid in a long time. It would also help me feel a lot less frustrated in life in general.
I struggle to find a fuck buddy however, as my confidence is zero. I'm not the kinda person to go out to a bar and pull, never have been and never will be. Even online dating has more nuances and subtleteys than i can understand. When it comes to relationships and seduction my method is usually outright asking "wanna fuck" which dosen't seem to work that well! yes there are dating sites purley for fuck buddies or casual sex, but to me most of them seem a little seedy so i tend to avoid them.
For me emotions don't factor into sex. I can start a relationship with someone knowing that they don't really care for me, nor I for them and be fine. Its when a relationship starts out as "we will date" and then turns into something casual that gives me issues. I guess my emotions are like a tap. If its off its off and won't turn itself on of its own volition. but if its on then turning it off becomes tricky.

body confidence.

Toyboy has long since disappeared which is probably a good thing. I long for some kinky sex though, and while solo play is awesome it's not quite the same as having a partner. They're both satisfying, but after so long without sex solo play has become kinda "meh".
I've been trying to work on my self confidence a little recently, and for me this means learning to like my body by taking pictures.Ive never really liked my boobs. I think they're droopy and as you can see i have some acne scars on them that I'm fairly conscious of. but still they're *my* boobs, and they're never going to be perfect. though they are more symmetrical then they appear in this photo, I must have got the nipple tassels on a little wonky and i suck at taking pictures. they're nice and big and look good in a bra, which is how most people will see them.

I must endeavour to update this thing more. though its hard to blog about sex when you're not getting laid. An update is in the works about my toy collection though and if anyone reads this and wants some content on anything specific there more than welcome to comment.

an update on toyboy and solo fun!

toyboy is still around, still employing the mind games and if i don’t watch myself im still falling for them.

He’s dropped out of university, to “learn to be more independent and how to live on my own” by living full time at his mother’s house (answers on a postcard please, i cant figure that one out)

and is being passive aggressive towards me on social networking sites and via telephone. He accuses me of not talking to me enough, and when i text and chat to him he dosent reply. short of being on the phone 24/7 there’s precious little else i can do to contact him. When he contacts me its usually to threaten to kill himself as an act of attention ( which i absolutley detest) which he threatened to do again tonight.

other aspects of my life are not stable at the moment, he plays on that a lot. I would just egnore him but some things of mine are at his university flat and i want them back. (theyre not expensive or anything, but still!)

on a more positive note! i recently purcased an electro stimulation kit, and have a a nice session with it this afternoon. I would dearly love some more toys for it, but they are expensive. I partucuarly love the look of the dildo ( you can buy converters off of the manafacturers site, but the dildos are on my whishlists out of company loyalty and the hope that some kinky philanthropist might see ;) ) and theese gloves would be so much fun with a partner! obiously the pads are something to consider also.

mixed blessings

so, i finally got laid :D
however it wasn't that special, and it wont happen again ( boo)
I met a man online who attends uni in Cambridge ( will be known as toyboy cause he's a bit younger than me) , and was looking to have a relationship, so we met up a fair few times and then i stayed the night.
A lot of mind fuckery was involved in this relationship, with the benefit of hindsight its not perfect and i know now there is no chance of a relationship as a BF/GF thing.
so there we were laid on his single bed squashed together, skin on skin kissing roughly and passionately. I pull my leg around his side and grind myself into him, his cock all ready hard. he grabs me and shifts us both round on the bed so that he's on top of me and starts sucking and licking my nipples hard. i moan in pleasure and find his big cock ( the largest I've ever had. i struggle to wrap my hand around it when hes fully errect) and wank him off with one hand while stroking my clit with the other.
he stops licking my nipples and slides his fingers into my wet pussy, rubbing my g spot giving me amasing sensations as i stroke his cock. I shudder to orgasm as he continues fingering my pussy. I find some condoms ( large ones) and he lets me put it on him.
sliding his cock into my pussy felt Divine, stretching and filling me up so well, and his thrusting bringing me closer to orgasm. he stops suddenly, he's come as well, which was kind of anti climatic as i was so near again.
toyboy had explained that he wouldn't last long because of "first night nerves" but i didn't really expect it would be as quick as it was. I had come though so it wasn't all lost.
What happened next made me feel fucking awful. the moment he came he rolled over and accused me of pressuring him into sex, and that he hadn't wanted it. If you read my blog regularly you know that i hate the absence of consent and i would never do something like that! In hindsight i shouldn't have had sex with him knowing full well the amount of mind fuckery he willingly employs and that it was more than likely to turn out like this.
toyboy seems to enjoy relying on the "suffering creative type" cliche that people employ to avoid any responsibility they have over their actions and how they treat others. and i fell for it, hook line and sinker. what a fool I am.
Sometimes i feat i will never find a partner who's, dependable, honest and sincere or get regular, satisfying sex!

Threesomes

FFM threesomes are a topic me and Belfast boy have talked about in some detail while having phone and text sex as well as talking occasionally about MMF and even foursomes and orgies.
FFM would be ideal, as I am bi, and he's straight. We both love the idea of me and the other girl kneeling in front of his hard cock. kissing each other with his cock between our tongues, one of us with the his of his dick in our mouth and the other sucking and licking his shaft in a deliciously wet and sloppy blowjob. Positioning ourselves on the bed I leave the other girl sucking and licking his cock as i manoeuvre myself to lick her pussy.
I want him to dominate me, order me to put a show on for him, sat at the end of the bed in a chair with his video camera in hand. Ordered to lick and suck and slide my fingers in and out of another girls wet cunt. being told to crawl over to him and let him suck her off of my fingers. I love making my partners writhe and moan in pleasure, making them come, just knowing Ive done a good job.
I want Belfast boy to come on the other girls chest, grab my head and make me lick all of his sticky hot semen off of her tits. sucking and biting gently on her nipples as i do so, while he has his fingers inside of her again.
I ride him as she sits on his face offering her sweet pussy to him to lick and suck. grinding down on him until we both come hard, his cock filling my pussy and his excitement seeping out of me. pausing as the other woman cleans me, her warm wet tongue lapping around my pussy and clit. then changing places, him fucking her until we all collapse, spent and exhausted.

phone sex.

that northern Irish accented deep voice, my heavy breathing. it can only mean one thing. " i want to see this on your blog slut" i hear, my fingers working my clit. "yes master" if only you were with me, stood in front of me while I'm kneeling, watching you stroke your cock ready to come on my face. properly make me your cum slut just like we both know i will be. taking your cock in my mouth, sucking, licking and teasing you till you cant stand any more. with every fibre in my body i want to suck you till you come over and over several times a day. I don't think you realise just how much i love the silky feel of a warm throbbing cock on my lips and the ooze of pre come showing me how much you like it. the feel of your thighs and arse cheeks under my nails. even how it feels to have your ass clench around my fingers as i massage your prostate, hoping upon hope you come harder than ever before right down my throat. Loving the feeling of your hot cum splash across my face and neck, your hand on my jaw and feeling the head of your cock smear the result of my frantic sucking and licking of you across me. but that's not the end.
you pinning me onto the bed, your fingers finding their way deep inside me, hitting my g spot, your other hand holding me down, knowing when the time comes i will shake and moan so hard for you. trying to make me squirt all over your hands and maybe even into your mouth will be so brilliant I can hardly wait. Just the thought of having your cock inside me, filling me with your come makes me so wet and horny.
you tease me on the phone, telling me how your hands will find my pussy and clit through my jeans, you holding me across my neck, whispering into my ear as i get wetter and closer and closer to coming. your fingers inside me and your thumb pressing upon my clit making me more and more horny until i am on the edge of orgasm. you stop, cruelly laughing into my ears, taking your fingers from inside me and smearing my pussy juices across my face. making me go out to the shop or on some menial errand with my come all over my face...
upon my return kissing me frantically checking that I haven't wiped my juices from my face and that i am being a good little slut. just the threatening of an undisclosed punishment gets me going so much. irregardless of if it is going to be pleasant or not.
I need you now, your cock, your lips, to feel the breath on my ear and neck as you talk dirty to me would be just Divine.

an update

just a quick blog as I'm away over the bank holiday weekend.
b.b is still texting and teasing me and it feels so great at the moment.
As i am a giant sadist i got the April issue of "Company" magazine. It's all about "bloggers" though most of it is about women who somehow are magically empowering every female by writing about fashion or something else totally insignificant in the bigger picture. It could mean so much more if you featured strong independent women who blogged about politics or philosophy or something other than "this dress is so pretty lolz". There's some mention about sex blogging and the obligatory article by "belle de jour" in there about how blogging is so liberating and "kinky". Then overleaf there's a 3 page article on "can a blog get you a boyfriend" and how its all super and dandy to blog about any potential date you have. This may sound hypocitical as I myself blog about b.b and the sub boy but i don't really think its all that important. they both know about this blog, and both read it and like that other people know these things, i just think it gets unfair when your potential paramour has no idea about you blogging, and when you use full christian names. Yes you can do it if you wish, but don't think for one second people are desperate to know how the date you went on was, or anything like that. There's extracts from the writers blog in the article, and it just reads like some whinging self piteous stuff that should remain in a teenage diary, not all over the Internet. Never use names, never expect readers to pity you, and above all else never ever expect anything good to come from writing a blog!
there is also a heck of a lot of other prattle in the generic "women's monthly" magazine styles. they even go as far in the "sealed shocking STI" section to try and say that there's "his and hers STD's". last time i checked herpes wasn't gender exclusive..
There is also a main article on "Saturday night sexism" about the club scene and how women are "at risk" of lewd comments from drunken men. Company then have a quote form a women's advocate quickly blaming the lad's mags and television for treating women like objects. but its all quickly forgotten in the back pages of the "e flirt" section! its over sensationalised fear mongering to rival the daily mail! I've been out plenty of times and yes, I've seen it happen sometimes, but I've also seen a lot of women groping and fondling men and acting inappropriately. women are not some needy victims that the article portrays and it just annoys me!
the other parts i have issues with are more subtle and could be lost in nuances. One article by company's "blogger of the year" suggests that you flirt like mad to get what you want, and also suggests you get a rich partner so you can use them "like a credit card". yes, its supposed to be humorous, but there is still this thinly veiled ideals there that do not sit easily with me!
Another piece in the advice column states that the readers new partner should cut all ties with his best friend because she used to be his fuck buddy. this one annoys me because of the presumption that its inevitable that he'll cheat on the girlfriend (um hello? self restraint!)
heh i guess I'm a bit more of a sadist than i guessed.