Monday 23 December 2013

Lovehoney Enjoy Water Based Lube

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Wednesday 18 December 2013

How to talk dirty - tips and tricks from an ex phone sex girl

Talking dirty is something I am really good at, according to my partners.  It's something I did for a little while as an income earner ( which wasn't working out, so I haven't for a while) There's a few really simple things that you can do which will make you seem amazing if done with confidence and enthusiasm!

Think of a theme and keep to it
Most people have a set of fantasies that work well together, and it does not seem too jarring if you switch between similar activities, which gives you plenty to talk about without repeating yourself.
 there's some basic ideas, such as dominating someone " you are mine to do what I want with, you slut" ,being the submissive "please use me, make me into a dirty little slut", describing a sex act such as anal or oral sex " I love it when you do X". Tailor your theme to your partner as much as possible.  Dirty talk is all about fantasies so it may be a safe way to explore activities you may not want to act out in real life.

Prepare a rough scenario
This is easier if there is only one of you talking, such as phone sex, but can be adapted to give a partner a chance to respond and contribute.  Don't be too rigid in your script but think of a few key phrases and scenarios that you would like to describe so that you don't have as much of a pause in your speech patterns.  This is quite useful as sometimes during sex you will be thinking of other things or distracted by the activities you are doing

Try not to repeat yourself
Repeating phrases isn't sexy, and can throw the partner you are talking to off.  If you can't think of anything there and then ask your partner for feedback, such as "mmm I bet you love it when I do X"  This will give you some time and a jumping off point for where to go next.  Don't worry too much about repetition ( it's not a game of "just a minute" after all!) but its usually not good in excess.

Practice a sexy tone of voice
Part of the fun of talking dirty for the listening/receiving partner is thinking that it is turning on the speaker. In the majority of cases this is true, but sometimes it's done to please a partner and not really a thing you are into at that particular point in time.  The tone of your voice can set the mood and sometimes cover for confidence wobbles or pauses in the talk ( such as a few moans when you are trying to think of what's next!) Practice in the shower or when you are on your own, as it will also help with your self confidence!

Don't be afraid to let go
Part of dirty talking is putting on a character that you usually wouldn't be.  You might feel comfortable swearing or in the use of slang words.  Enjoy this role and let it develop naturally the more turned on you get, let yourself moan and be as loud as you want to, a good partner will not judge you for what's said in the heat of the moment.

Relax and enjoy!
If you think you sound silly, or are not confident it will show up in your voice, try to feel confident if you can.  You can always practice sexy talk through text message or e mail until you feel comfortable with the style of it before trying it on a partner who is in the same space as you

Hope this helps a little and hope you have fun!

Wednesday 11 December 2013

When things don't work - what to do when not quite in the mood

Sex is like many things in life in that it sometimes does not go according to plan.  Many of is have grown up with an idealized version of sex.  He's always able to get hard and she's always wet, everyone can always come and it's always enjoyable, your partner has the same level of sex drive that you do and they are always ready to go.  We know life isn't like this, but sometimes we can still get stressed out when things don't go to plan and make a situation worse.  I'm going to run  through a few of the more common hurdles to sex and what can be done to make them less of an issue. I've tried to make the advice as applicable to all relationship types as possible, but it may have a hetronormative  slant, so read on after the jump!

Monday 9 December 2013

New Relationship Energy

New Relationship Energy (or NRE) is a term used in the Polyamorous community to describe the feelings of happiness and joy that comes with a new partner or relationship.  Sometimes It's called the honeymoon period amongst vanilla people.  It happens to some extent in all relationships and just totally relying on these feelings can spell disaster.  NRE can happen in new relationships in poly situations, which can then have an effect on other more established relationships, just as it can happen to monogamous couples.  NRE lasts different lengths of time depending on the people and their individual relationships.

I get badly affected by NRE.  It's happening now in my relationship with Doc.  Feelings are flying everywhere for both of us and are generally making things slightly more complicated than they should be in a more casual/ fuck buddy relationship.  I tend to feel really loved and happy when in NRE, and that the person I am seeing is the best ever, that I could build a life with them.  It's all rainbows and unicorn farts which probably makes me annoying to those around me.  If I let these feelings run away with themselves it can often lead to me feeling rejected and unwanted (which is exacerbated by the years of emotional abuse that lends itself to feeling like that anyway)  While in NRE I feel like I always want a serious relationship with the person I am involved with which leads to me rushing ahead of myself sometimes.

There are ways to cope with NRE and to manage any potentially negative consequences:

The best way to deal with NRE is through open discussion with your partner(s) and to acknowledge that these feelings will not last forever.  With NRE there is a tendency to want to spend every opportunity with the new partner - often forsaking friends, family and other things in your life.  This can make it harder when the NRE wears off and you want to spend time in a more balanced way.  Acknowledging NRE and making an effort to keep things balanced will at least help.

After NRE is gone it's important to develop a more lasting and committed relationship with the partner in question.  You might not be doing as much impressive stuff as you were in the dating stage - but it is still important to keep the sparks there.  Do things occasionally that replicate that excitement, but remember that the established and deep connection you now probably share is just as good - if not better.  bonding during the NRE period sets you up for a deeper level of commitment and

NRE in most people is fun, exciting and in no way problematic.  Enjoy the new stages of the relationship and don't stress out about it. You may even look back on it fondly in the future.

Wednesday 4 December 2013

Teaching domination

Those who read the blog know that I am submissive.  My submission is total, I don't enjoy domination or even leading when it comes to sex.  This is usually fine, unless a partner has less experience with BDSM than I do.  Doc has not tried much BDSM past the cliche of furry handcuffs and a blindfold.  We have been experimenting with basic things between us and I have shown him porn that turns me on.  He's happy to be dominant and has done a little bit of background reading on his own in the past.  Reading articles and researching is a brilliant intro to BDSM, but it is not at all like having a living and breathing partner in front of you who wants you to be dominant.

Submissives are generally not natural leaders during sex - and there are negative stereotypes that reinforce this - the "brat" and topping from the bottom.  However sometimes submissives can be really picky.  Dominants are not mind readers and at times it does fall down to the sub to teach a dominant what they like and need out of a D/s relationship.  It's this aspect that I am struggling with at the moment.  There's so much to think of and to teach, which isn't ideal as I have never wanted to be dominant and the psychology of it doesn't really work for me.  I can say what I like, can find articles online that may be of use and teach the limited things that I know, but otherwise the motivation must come from the other partner.

 I have talked with Doc about candles and wax play and it's something I am happy to introduce him to ( I should have done this by the time this post goes live - I'm auto scheduling writing at present) I have experience in how to use wax and what to look out for.  I've had it used on me in scenes before so have a rough idea of at least some scenarios I can do this in. However in all seriousness I am not terribly experienced in BDSM either.  There's the habit of being submissive in not bothering to learn rope ties, or mind game possibilities because it's not something I have to know to be an active participant.  I think this is a trap quite a few subs fall into and it's not particularly a good one to be in.  From now on I shall be more aware of actively learning and being more efficient with my searches online.

Some people get around the pitfalls of being new to BDSM by having more experienced members of the community help teach them, either at play sessions or through the internet. For every person who activley attempts to engage with their local community there is at least one person like myself who cannot or does not want to be a member so struggles to acess some resources that they know are reliable and safe.  This does worry both me and Doc at times, because internet resources can sometimes be dodgy!
The world of BDSM can be daunting to newbies wherever they fall on the spectrum and however much help they have.  The best part of it is though, that things can only get better with lots and lots of practice!

Monday 2 December 2013

Porn

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Wednesday 27 November 2013

Submission

I am submissive - it's part of who I am and what I like.  I've know I've been submissive since before I knew I was bisexual, or even before I knew if I liked sex.
  Everyone's submission is personal to them and everybody gets different things out of BDSM.  For me submission isn't a particularly erotic experience, for me it's more a state of relaxation and calmness that lends itself to sex and a few very easy orgasms.  Some people submit without ever doing bondage or masochism and others cannot easily distinguish between the elements.

 My submission is personal and trusting, it bonds me to the person I am submitting and letting go to.  It is me - completely and honestly me at my most vulnerable.  I am a person who needs to control situations, to have influence and decide my own life - letting go of this is in no way easy and i need the dominant in my life to *know* this

  Submission for me is not about pushing my limits of pain. I do enjoy some spanking and corporal stuff but often if things hurt too much they can take me out of the zone. I can't do extended rope bondage scenes in uncomfortable positions due to poor mobility and joint issues - bondage and restraint has to be simple and effective as well as easy to get out of.

  Submission has a lot of mental elements for me.  I like being tickled - and I quite like it when people are threatening to tickle me and don't actually do it.  Doc has this down to a fine art - in that he will put his hands on me without tickling, causing me to constantly think he is going to do something.  mental games such as this are very much my thing, as well as name calling and talking dirty - being told I am owned by someone or a dirty whore and a filthy slut makes me hot.

I have a slightly weird tell for when I am feeling subby, that no one who has witnessed it or I have told about it has seen before.  I get really giggly and laugh a lot which can confuse partners, and there is often a time where I have to explain through my giggles that I laugh loads when I become very submissive and into the zone.  This doesn't just happen during foreplay and scenes, and can happen when I am kissing someone or even during more or less vanilla sex. It's strange but easy enough to hide when I am in public.

submission is awesome, and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Monday 25 November 2013

Rough Sex

Being with a new partner is awesome in that you can do things that you have never tried before or other partners were not keen on. I love rough sex and being treated roughly,  it makes me feel all subby and enhances the sensations.  Sometimes it's the only thing I want and I will struggle to orgasm without it.  I love being bitten, as part of foreplay but especially when a partner is inside of me - during missionary or facing positions, feeling him fucking me hard and biting my breasts is exquisite. Rough sex can lead to slight injury.  After  a few amazing sessions with Doc I have ended up with bruises on my boobs! This wasn't a planned thing, but it wasn't painful and we both saw the funny side of it.

Rough sex is only really doable when you both know you like it.  It's also an aspect of sex where you need good communication between each other, as there is sometimes a fine line between good hurt and bad hurt. Try gentle things first and then get rougher if you both like it - generally the more turned on a person gets the more pain they can endure and enjoy.  The traffic light system is also a good idea.  Green for "more/harder" yellow for "stay at that level" and red for "stop right now"

Simple things to try are gentle biting and slapping, pinching, pulling hair and ordering your partner around.  If you had cheap or unwanted old clothes you could also try ripping them off of each other!

Have fun, experiment and communicate to have some mind blowing rough sex!

*side note* I am experimenting with scheduled posts so that my writing becomes slightly more regular - this may mean there are some glitches while I try and figure stuff out so please bear with me!

Friday 22 November 2013

Anal adventures and complicated relationships

Anal sex is something that I have never tried very much and have never been curious about.  I have owned butt plugs and anal beads in the past but didnt use them more than once or twice because I didn't get much enjoyment out of them.
  When Junior and I started discussing the opportunity of being fuck buddies he mentioned that he liked anal sex, and that he would like it, but wasnt fussed if I didn't want to do it.  He understood my reasons not to - the time it takes to prepare, the potential mess and the planning involved that breaks the mood.
   All my reasons were mental blocks, more than me purley not liking anal sex, as I had never tried it with a partner before.  During my dalliances with Junior I have broken some of the mental blocks about other things, such as not liking semen inside me for too long and having to have things to clean off with instantly. 
  I got thinking of anal sex, and how it would play out between me and him, suggesting that we try it.  The idea kinda sat there for a while with both of us and we didn't try it the next time we saw each other, I thought he had forgotten about it.  Junior is awesome in many ways, but at this stage is not comfortable leading and initiating things which I expected him to with this due to being the one who has had anal before. Once we got going with it I found out that anal is really pleasurable for me, that I get turned on at the idea of someone taking me and owning me in such a way, that it feels dirty and wrong and taboo.  Anal sex for me is about trusting someone so completely and letting them take over my body.
  I like breaking the mental barriers I have placed on myself, it wasn't painful, there was very little preparation needed and if there was any mess, Junior was a gentleman and did not let me see it.  Sex between me and him is awesome and I really don't want it to stop!

However things are getting more complicated between us.  This isn't bad - we seem to be doing a lot of couple-y stuff like me meeting his friends, and spending a lot of time together just cuddling and being in each others company.  I wouldn't necessarily change this for anything as it is leaving me happy and fulfilled but sometimes it is a little confusing.  We are communicating with each other about it clearly, and feel the same which is good.  New relationship energy gets the better of me sometimes and makes me want to push things further than they should be - so I have to check myself to stop me from doing something silly.  it's not particularly stressing me out at the moment and I don't think it will be.  I'm just really happy to be getting fucked regularly and to be trying new things!

As an aside I will be changing Juniors nickname to Doc - as he does not like the current one!

Sunday 3 November 2013

Introducing Junior

I have a new fuck buddy! Its so satisfying and I'm happy that I am desired and wanted again by someone. He is nicknamed Junior because he works in medicine, and thought it was a good nickname when I suggested it.  We met on- line through a dating website and like each other, but it seems at the moment that we could probably piss each other off if we tried dating.

Junior found the blog before we even met through some Internet searching, which still seems a bit creepy to me.  I know this is public and not that hidden and it's not a big deal that he found it, but it'd be different if it were someone who was not romantically connected to me.

We've met and had sex a few times now, though I would prefer it if we met more than weekly - but with his schedule and me working a standard 9 to 5 it isn't possible.  The only problem is the more sex I have the more I want it! The sex has been generally good, were more or less at the stage where we are getting used to each other and I know it will only get better.

Junior is adorable in his little worries - during one of our sessions I was playing with him and talking dirty before we had some penetration and he was worried that he didn't last that long! He gets nervous and I don't think he is used to having a partner who will talk so openly and honest about sex with him.  The first time we had sex was a little awkward and we were taking a break when I put some porn on to show him what kind of things I liked.  He had never had a partner who has been so open about their habits, or has watched porn with him.

It's not just the sex that is good, there's lots of cuddles and I always end up leaving his feeling all loved up because of the dopamine and chemicals released.  I really hope that this lasts for such a long time!

Friday 9 August 2013

Sinful Sunday: 11th August 2013


Follow other participants through the image above!

picture after the break

The Pussy Pride Project

The pussy pride project is another one of Molly's daily kiss' excellent memes and statements.  It's chief aim is to get women to feel proud of their genitals and break taboos around female genital appearance. All that's asked of participants is a brief description and explanation of their feelings and, if they are comfortable enough, images may be used.

Review: iGino One

The iGino one was a crowd funded toy, and has gathered a fair bit of interest in the sex toy community.

This is what the box looks like:

I am fairly late to the party with my ownership of this toy, so there are a fair few reviews out there already for this toy. SubReiSkyeM has done an excellent review of this product at her blog, Thoughts of a growing sub

 At a glance
I didn't really get on with this toy, despite my best efforts.  The vibrations were not right for me, my theory on this is that it is because they are high frequency.  The review mainly focuses on partner sex as this is what the toy is marketed for, although I have used it solo and include a little bit of information on that.  There's a few drawbacks of this toy through design choices as well which makes it feel like it should not be in the "luxury sex toy" category in which it is marketed.  In the review I compare it to my favorite partner sex toy, the Lovehoney mains powered wand

Main review is after the jump

Sunday 4 August 2013

The Perks of Being Single

It’s sometimes seen that being single is sucky and just wrong.  I must admit when i broke up with S I was worried about being single again and having to do things on my own. I'm still healing and taking time to be me again, but there’s some things that are making me see it’s not all bad.

Leftover pizza
Who doesn't love pizza for breakfast the next day – now a possibility for me.  I don’t have to deal with another person’s diet or food schedule.  I can cook what I want and go out for meals when I want to, without having to drag a reluctant partner along.

Not having to beg for sex.
my sex life with S wasn't too bad, but it was more on his terms than mine due to him having the lower sex drive.  Asking and wanting with nothing to show for it just upset me so much I gave up, and started resenting him.  Partner sex is awesome, but not so much if you know that even if you ask you will just end up masturbating.  My sex drive seems to be higher now than when I was in a relationship, probably because there’s no fear of rejection.

Sleeping as much as you want.
I don’t seem to sleep well when sharing a bed.  I need a lot of space and I tend to just go until I can’t any more.  Trying to sleep on someone else’s schedule was annoying, as well as having them starfish all over me.  There’s also lots of lie ins for me now, and lots of afternoon naps.

More time for my interests
There were things I liked that S didn't, and vice versa.  It was usually me that made the sacrifice of my interests rather than him, so much so that it became a major issue.  We watched his programmes, listened to his music and played the games he wanted to.  This went beyond the give and take of a normal relationship, and I felt myself feeling lethargic and just giving up.  I'm single now and can indulge in my hobbies with the spare time I have.

Being able to be me.
I have disabilities and can’t do things that others can.  S never really understood this, especially with the chronic fatigue and clumsiness that comes with dyspraxia.  It always enraged me that he wouldn't do things like take shortcuts that I needed to keep myself happy and healthy, despite me explaining why.  Now I'm single I can do what I want, and am generally healthier than when I was in the last few months of my relationship, whether that’s because of the stress of it failing being lifted, or from making sure to put my needs first again.

Flirting
As I'm single I can talk to and be flirty with who I want without feeling any guilt or loyalty.  I'm much more confident in having more than one prospective date at a time, something I wouldn't have been when I was younger.  I feel happy talking to the sexy junior doctor, while having the option of going to dinner with the IT geek I met last week.  This seems so much easier now that I have had a relationship and know what I want for myself for the future and have gotten better at communicating that to others. Of course, there's lots up in the air at the moment with things, but I'm having fun!


So there are things that I miss, like cuddles and having someone to just do day to day things with, but it’s not all bad!  The things I see now as positive might change as I deal with the emotions and fallout of splitting up, but I feel positive that I will get through this pretty soon.

Sunday 28 July 2013

Single Again.

Me and S have split up.  There's never really been the whole "we are over" defining point, so I'm still not sure when it happened.  All I know is I'm single and the break up is proving difficult.

I don't want to be nasty about him, or be immature in my handling of it.  This seems to be the main thing that's causing problems at the moment.  S is not as mature as me, he's not as hopeful ( or, most likely, naive) about us remaining friends.  There's a lot of social isolation that goes on through a break up, and this is hitting me hard.  I don't have many friends at all, and he is the only person I really know within the city. 

S is also incredibly selfish.  Every interaction must be on his terms, every meeting will be when he wants.  It was like this in our relationship and is one of the main reasons we broke up.  I wanted to be able to rely on him and to have some emotional support when I needed it, which he could not (or, thinking about it, would not) provide.  

It's hard to be friends with someone who will not do the normal give and take any friendship needs to survive.  It's annoying when he cancels plans vindictively, prioritises things above me or even lies to me about being ill and then is suddenly better later in the day.  I know I am not asking too much to see someone on my schedule, or to have plans made and stuck to.  I am wondering how long I can deal with him being like this before I simply move on.

We did share nearly a year together, and he was my first proper partner.  I am bound to be upset and feel badly about the break up for a while.  I am wondering though how long I will have to torture myself and put myself second in order to try to have a healthy friendship when it would be so much easier to cut him out of my life.

I did not really blog about my relationship, because there was nothing to blog about.  Sex was not really that adventurous or often and S was not as into kink as I was.  The sex we had was average to most people so I did not really see the point of writing about it.  Unemployment, then work and chronic fatigue meant I did not get many review products or contribute much to the on-line communities.  This is a shame as I do enjoy blogging, even if I do not really have any major followings or readerships.

The main thing is that I am healing, and trying to better myself through this process.  I have learnt what works for me and what does not and hopefully I shall feel ready to date again.