New Relationship Energy

New Relationship Energy (or NRE) is a term used in the Polyamorous community to describe the feelings of happiness and joy that comes with a new partner or relationship.  Sometimes It's called the honeymoon period amongst vanilla people.  It happens to some extent in all relationships and just totally relying on these feelings can spell disaster.  NRE can happen in new relationships in poly situations, which can then have an effect on other more established relationships, just as it can happen to monogamous couples.  NRE lasts different lengths of time depending on the people and their individual relationships.

I get badly affected by NRE.  It's happening now in my relationship with Doc.  Feelings are flying everywhere for both of us and are generally making things slightly more complicated than they should be in a more casual/ fuck buddy relationship.  I tend to feel really loved and happy when in NRE, and that the person I am seeing is the best ever, that I could build a life with them.  It's all rainbows and unicorn farts which probably makes me annoying to those around me.  If I let these feelings run away with themselves it can often lead to me feeling rejected and unwanted (which is exacerbated by the years of emotional abuse that lends itself to feeling like that anyway)  While in NRE I feel like I always want a serious relationship with the person I am involved with which leads to me rushing ahead of myself sometimes.

There are ways to cope with NRE and to manage any potentially negative consequences:

The best way to deal with NRE is through open discussion with your partner(s) and to acknowledge that these feelings will not last forever.  With NRE there is a tendency to want to spend every opportunity with the new partner - often forsaking friends, family and other things in your life.  This can make it harder when the NRE wears off and you want to spend time in a more balanced way.  Acknowledging NRE and making an effort to keep things balanced will at least help.

After NRE is gone it's important to develop a more lasting and committed relationship with the partner in question.  You might not be doing as much impressive stuff as you were in the dating stage - but it is still important to keep the sparks there.  Do things occasionally that replicate that excitement, but remember that the established and deep connection you now probably share is just as good - if not better.  bonding during the NRE period sets you up for a deeper level of commitment and

NRE in most people is fun, exciting and in no way problematic.  Enjoy the new stages of the relationship and don't stress out about it. You may even look back on it fondly in the future.