Teaching domination

Those who read the blog know that I am submissive.  My submission is total, I don't enjoy domination or even leading when it comes to sex.  This is usually fine, unless a partner has less experience with BDSM than I do.  Doc has not tried much BDSM past the cliche of furry handcuffs and a blindfold.  We have been experimenting with basic things between us and I have shown him porn that turns me on.  He's happy to be dominant and has done a little bit of background reading on his own in the past.  Reading articles and researching is a brilliant intro to BDSM, but it is not at all like having a living and breathing partner in front of you who wants you to be dominant.

Submissives are generally not natural leaders during sex - and there are negative stereotypes that reinforce this - the "brat" and topping from the bottom.  However sometimes submissives can be really picky.  Dominants are not mind readers and at times it does fall down to the sub to teach a dominant what they like and need out of a D/s relationship.  It's this aspect that I am struggling with at the moment.  There's so much to think of and to teach, which isn't ideal as I have never wanted to be dominant and the psychology of it doesn't really work for me.  I can say what I like, can find articles online that may be of use and teach the limited things that I know, but otherwise the motivation must come from the other partner.

 I have talked with Doc about candles and wax play and it's something I am happy to introduce him to ( I should have done this by the time this post goes live - I'm auto scheduling writing at present) I have experience in how to use wax and what to look out for.  I've had it used on me in scenes before so have a rough idea of at least some scenarios I can do this in. However in all seriousness I am not terribly experienced in BDSM either.  There's the habit of being submissive in not bothering to learn rope ties, or mind game possibilities because it's not something I have to know to be an active participant.  I think this is a trap quite a few subs fall into and it's not particularly a good one to be in.  From now on I shall be more aware of actively learning and being more efficient with my searches online.

Some people get around the pitfalls of being new to BDSM by having more experienced members of the community help teach them, either at play sessions or through the internet. For every person who activley attempts to engage with their local community there is at least one person like myself who cannot or does not want to be a member so struggles to acess some resources that they know are reliable and safe.  This does worry both me and Doc at times, because internet resources can sometimes be dodgy!

The world of BDSM can be daunting to newbies wherever they fall on the spectrum and however much help they have.  The best part of it is though, that things can only get better with lots and lots of practice!