Relationships and Experiences

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Introducing Junior

I have a new fuck buddy! Its so satisfying and I'm happy that I am desired and wanted again by someone. He is nicknamed Junior because he works in medicine, and thought it was a good nickname when I suggested it.  We met on- line through a dating website and like each other, but it seems at the moment that we could probably piss each other off if we tried dating.

Junior found the blog before we even met through some Internet searching, which still seems a bit creepy to me.  I know this is public and not that hidden and it's not a big deal that he found it, but it'd be different if it were someone who was not romantically connected to me.

We've met and had sex a few times now, though I would prefer it if we met more than weekly - but with his schedule and me working a standard 9 to 5 it isn't possible.  The only problem is the more sex I have the more I want it! The sex has been generally good, were more or less at the stage where we are getting used to each other and I know it will only get better.

Junior is adorable in his little worries - during one of our sessions I was playing with him and talking dirty before we had some penetration and he was worried that he didn't last that long! He gets nervous and I don't think he is used to having a partner who will talk so openly and honest about sex with him.  The first time we had sex was a little awkward and we were taking a break when I put some porn on to show him what kind of things I liked.  He had never had a partner who has been so open about their habits, or has watched porn with him.

It's not just the sex that is good, there's lots of cuddles and I always end up leaving his feeling all loved up because of the dopamine and chemicals released.  I really hope that this lasts for such a long time!

The Perks of Being Single

It’s sometimes seen that being single is sucky and just wrong.  I must admit when i broke up with S I was worried about being single again and having to do things on my own. I'm still healing and taking time to be me again, but there’s some things that are making me see it’s not all bad.

Leftover pizza

Who doesn't love pizza for breakfast the next day – now a possibility for me.  I don’t have to deal with another person’s diet or food schedule.  I can cook what I want and go out for meals when I want to, without having to drag a reluctant partner along.

Not having to beg for sex.

my sex life with S wasn't too bad, but it was more on his terms than mine due to him having the lower sex drive.  Asking and wanting with nothing to show for it just upset me so much I gave up, and started resenting him.  Partner sex is awesome, but not so much if you know that even if you ask you will just end up masturbating.  My sex drive seems to be higher now than when I was in a relationship, probably because there’s no fear of rejection.

Sleeping as much as you want.

I don’t seem to sleep well when sharing a bed.  I need a lot of space and I tend to just go until I can’t any more.  Trying to sleep on someone else’s schedule was annoying, as well as having them starfish all over me.  There’s also lots of lie ins for me now, and lots of afternoon naps.

More time for my interests

There were things I liked that S didn't, and vice versa.  It was usually me that made the sacrifice of my interests rather than him, so much so that it became a major issue.  We watched his programmes, listened to his music and played the games he wanted to.  This went beyond the give and take of a normal relationship, and I felt myself feeling lethargic and just giving up.  I'm single now and can indulge in my hobbies with the spare time I have.

Being able to be me.

I have disabilities and can’t do things that others can.  S never really understood this, especially with the chronic fatigue and clumsiness that comes with dyspraxia.  It always enraged me that he wouldn't do things like take shortcuts that I needed to keep myself happy and healthy, despite me explaining why.  Now I'm single I can do what I want, and am generally healthier than when I was in the last few months of my relationship, whether that’s because of the stress of it failing being lifted, or from making sure to put my needs first again.

Flirting

As I'm single I can talk to and be flirty with who I want without feeling any guilt or loyalty.  I'm much more confident in having more than one prospective date at a time, something I wouldn't have been when I was younger.  I feel happy talking to the sexy junior doctor, while having the option of going to dinner with the IT geek I met last week.  This seems so much easier now that I have had a relationship and know what I want for myself for the future and have gotten better at communicating that to others. Of course, there's lots up in the air at the moment with things, but I'm having fun!

So there are things that I miss, like cuddles and having someone to just do day to day things with, but it’s not all bad!  The things I see now as positive might change as I deal with the emotions and fallout of splitting up, but I feel positive that I will get through this pretty soon.