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Visit to a Strip club

On Friday night I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in a while and we decided to go to a strip club. It was my first visit to such a place, and it was quite fun if I am honest.
We visited a Platinum lace gentlemens club which are female friendly. There's the main bar area that has topless dancing and than an upstairs vip with the booths. While it is female friendly me and my mate were the only unacompanied females in there ( i.e women there without their boyfriends or a male) and it did raise a few eyebrows of the male clientele, one even wandering over and stating that we were lesbians! If I was more self concious it could have put me off I think. The club was clean, the bar was well staffed and there was a visibile prescence of security guards which I found comforting.
My first dance was pretty cool, having a pretty woman writhing about on your lap, groping you and shoving her boobs in your face is rather sexy, and the private dances at the club are fully naked ones. I was quite nervous at first, and found it hard to relax and enjoy it, I'm still not totally convinved that it's something thats really sexy, but I would be interested in going to a strip club with a partner, to see if buying dances and picking girls out for them would be sexy. By the end of the night I had had 4 private dances off of different women, and my friend had picked some of them for me, her judgement of women that I would find atractive was suprisingly good. My friend is straight and her eagerness at going to a strip club suprised me. I do wonder though at her eagerness and continual claims of "this is so cool, I love boobs" wether she was entirley comfortable with it.
While it was sexy there was always the thought that the women are only dancing for the money, and I personally have a hard time reducing attraction to a person down to a physical thing. It's not a cliche at all to say that I find personality more attractive than looks. Despite these issues I would go again. I even got a number off of a slightly drunk bloke, it's a shame i wasn't attracted to him.

Fuck buddies

I've had a fuck buddy in the past, when i was 18 i lost my virginity to the Canadian, after which we decided to just have casual sex. To be honest i would absolutley adore having another relationship like this. Sex with the canadian was boring, vanilla and very selfish on his behalf. Another fuck buddy like that would be pointless, but i can see the attraction in getting sex and being satisfied without the emotional baggage of a relationship! I am wiser than i was then, so its a certainty that i wouldn't put up with such crap.
I am, at the moment trying to find a long term committed partner ( as in a boy/girlfriend) but it gets really tricky when it comes down to the fact that i am highly sexed and i do worry sometimes that being so open and honest with those i meet can be a little off putting.
It's a theory of mine that just having regular sex with someone might make it a little easier to meet someone and not want to fuck their brains out just 'cause im desperatley horny and haven't got laid in a long time. It would also help me feel a lot less frustrated in life in general.
I struggle to find a fuck buddy however, as my confidence is zero. I'm not the kinda person to go out to a bar and pull, never have been and never will be. Even online dating has more nuances and subtleteys than i can understand. When it comes to relationships and seduction my method is usually outright asking "wanna fuck" which dosen't seem to work that well! yes there are dating sites purley for fuck buddies or casual sex, but to me most of them seem a little seedy so i tend to avoid them.
For me emotions don't factor into sex. I can start a relationship with someone knowing that they don't really care for me, nor I for them and be fine. Its when a relationship starts out as "we will date" and then turns into something casual that gives me issues. I guess my emotions are like a tap. If its off its off and won't turn itself on of its own volition. but if its on then turning it off becomes tricky.

body confidence.

Toyboy has long since disappeared which is probably a good thing. I long for some kinky sex though, and while solo play is awesome it's not quite the same as having a partner. They're both satisfying, but after so long without sex solo play has become kinda "meh".
I've been trying to work on my self confidence a little recently, and for me this means learning to like my body by taking pictures.Ive never really liked my boobs. I think they're droopy and as you can see i have some acne scars on them that I'm fairly conscious of. but still they're *my* boobs, and they're never going to be perfect. though they are more symmetrical then they appear in this photo, I must have got the nipple tassels on a little wonky and i suck at taking pictures. they're nice and big and look good in a bra, which is how most people will see them.

I must endeavour to update this thing more. though its hard to blog about sex when you're not getting laid. An update is in the works about my toy collection though and if anyone reads this and wants some content on anything specific there more than welcome to comment.

an update on toyboy and solo fun!

toyboy is still around, still employing the mind games and if i don’t watch myself im still falling for them.

He’s dropped out of university, to “learn to be more independent and how to live on my own” by living full time at his mother’s house (answers on a postcard please, i cant figure that one out)

and is being passive aggressive towards me on social networking sites and via telephone. He accuses me of not talking to me enough, and when i text and chat to him he dosent reply. short of being on the phone 24/7 there’s precious little else i can do to contact him. When he contacts me its usually to threaten to kill himself as an act of attention ( which i absolutley detest) which he threatened to do again tonight.

other aspects of my life are not stable at the moment, he plays on that a lot. I would just egnore him but some things of mine are at his university flat and i want them back. (theyre not expensive or anything, but still!)

on a more positive note! i recently purcased an electro stimulation kit, and have a a nice session with it this afternoon. I would dearly love some more toys for it, but they are expensive. I partucuarly love the look of the dildo ( you can buy converters off of the manafacturers site, but the dildos are on my whishlists out of company loyalty and the hope that some kinky philanthropist might see ;) ) and theese gloves would be so much fun with a partner! obiously the pads are something to consider also.

squirting

squirting is always somthing that ive found sexy and hot when ive seen it in porn and described by others but i just can't seem to do it!
i do have a g spot, and i can feel it ( when its described by people they say it feels like the roof of your mouth, but i think personally it feels a bit like the head of a cock more than that) and others can feel it too. at least toyboy could when we had (disasterous) sex. Unfortunatley my g spot is just out of reach of my fingers, and i have no toys that seem to help me at all at the moment.
I do have the fun factory delight which is in the post, and yet to arrive as i only ordered it a few days ago.
and i have this thing, which is unfortunatley too soft to find my G spot.
Its one of the things ive wanted to see if i can do for a while, so if you have any hints and tips i'd be keen to know!

mixed blessings

so, i finally got laid :D
however it wasn't that special, and it wont happen again ( boo)
I met a man online who attends uni in Cambridge ( will be known as toyboy cause he's a bit younger than me) , and was looking to have a relationship, so we met up a fair few times and then i stayed the night.
A lot of mind fuckery was involved in this relationship, with the benefit of hindsight its not perfect and i know now there is no chance of a relationship as a BF/GF thing.
so there we were laid on his single bed squashed together, skin on skin kissing roughly and passionately. I pull my leg around his side and grind myself into him, his cock all ready hard. he grabs me and shifts us both round on the bed so that he's on top of me and starts sucking and licking my nipples hard. i moan in pleasure and find his big cock ( the largest I've ever had. i struggle to wrap my hand around it when hes fully errect) and wank him off with one hand while stroking my clit with the other.
he stops licking my nipples and slides his fingers into my wet pussy, rubbing my g spot giving me amasing sensations as i stroke his cock. I shudder to orgasm as he continues fingering my pussy. I find some condoms ( large ones) and he lets me put it on him.
sliding his cock into my pussy felt Divine, stretching and filling me up so well, and his thrusting bringing me closer to orgasm. he stops suddenly, he's come as well, which was kind of anti climatic as i was so near again.
toyboy had explained that he wouldn't last long because of "first night nerves" but i didn't really expect it would be as quick as it was. I had come though so it wasn't all lost.
What happened next made me feel fucking awful. the moment he came he rolled over and accused me of pressuring him into sex, and that he hadn't wanted it. If you read my blog regularly you know that i hate the absence of consent and i would never do something like that! In hindsight i shouldn't have had sex with him knowing full well the amount of mind fuckery he willingly employs and that it was more than likely to turn out like this.
toyboy seems to enjoy relying on the "suffering creative type" cliche that people employ to avoid any responsibility they have over their actions and how they treat others. and i fell for it, hook line and sinker. what a fool I am.
Sometimes i feat i will never find a partner who's, dependable, honest and sincere or get regular, satisfying sex!