toys, toys, toys! ( and a ramble)

A few things this time to talk ( most likely ramble) about.
I recently bought the clitoral halo for my electro sex machine. While I'm still getting the hang of using the thing it is at the moment seeming like a good purchase.
Electro sex kind of feels like the vibrations from a normal vibrator but under the skin. If anyone has used a TENS machine as part of pain relief it feels more or less like that. My e stim has lower intensities though and more variation of speeds and patterns.
the clitoral halo is metal and is relatively easy to use, only problem I've encountered with it is if I get too carried away and let it stray right over the clitoral nerve which is ridiculously painful! At low levels though, with plenty of lube and warming up it gives really strong orgasms. Not exactly the quick fix my other vibes do, but a nice slow teasing form.

Another toy recently added to my collection is the g- ki. while I've still not squirted like I really want to I can get myself to orgasm in about a minute with the toy. Have more or less just used it as a dildo but it is nice to have the option to make it vibrate if i desire. Have found though that vibrations on my G spot ( or the place that feels really fucking awesome) is a little painful, in a non pleasurable way

I've also become obsessed with bondage and BDSM at the moment and whenever i masturbate it's always that my mind wanders to or it's that type of porn i get off to. Rough and hard sex with lots of hair pulling and being called a slut is appealing to me, as well as fanning my curiosity towards rope bondage. I would love to feel the sensations of breast bondage or to be held down and gagged while being fucked or while giving oral to the dominant partner.
Alas it seems like something that I shall have to be patient for, because there is no one on the horizon at the moment.

DP ( or double penetration) is intriguing as well. It's not something I've done with a partner and I tend to have irrational fears about the cleanliness of anal, so experimentation on my own has been limited. It's something I really must explore now that I have access to plenty of nitrile gloves and time in the evening when other house members are in bed. From when I have tried with a butt plug it seemed really fun and pleasurable, so I am almost certain it is something to add to my regular masturbatory repertoire and possibly as the ultimate fantasy if the right men come along. Even anal play will add a new dimension to a sex life that is a solo effort.

Living in a small rural community is great in many ways: less noise and pollution and there's lots of nature. However I do miss being able to go out of the house whenever I wanted and grab a coffee or my favorite magazine without having to wait for a shoddy bus service. Sex wise it's pretty hard to be kink positive in a town with an aging conservative population and people my age I went to school with. Everyone knows everyone else and it's unlikely that anything could remain discreet.

Vanilla

Vanilla is a term used by people in the sex community to describe people who are less adventurous or kinky than them. It can be seen as a slur against character, but the majority of times it's used as a broad description of a subsection of society.

The term has different connotations to different people so it's hard to find a strong definition of it. To me vanilla describes people who are closed minded and think that sex is "dirty" or "wrong" and people who won't try things that seem "kinky" irregardless of how tame they are. It's more of a stubbornness than a general dislike or fear.

Vanilla is a term more or less born out of humanities desire to distinguish themselves from the crowd and to draw differences and feel superior where there probably isn't any need to do so. There's a need in most societies to think that you are different and special, this is hard to do with sex because of the privacy of it. People are unwilling to talk openly about sex and sexuality so we make assumptions about the public to make ourselves feel more individual.

It's only through using toys and being part of the sex toy testing at various communities that I've learned to be less assumptious about the people around me. There's no one type of person who's more willing to try things sexually, and the same applies to those who seem like they will be vanilla.

Sometimes relationships fail because of miss matched sex drives and desires. Sometimes one partner can be more experienced and this can cause issues. There's no right or wrong way to encourage a partner who is "vanilla" to try different things but there's some tips that might help.

• Communication is key, talk about what turns you on and try to think and explain why it turns you on. Granted this is trickier than it sounds but it could be the difference between a partner accepting and trying and them not wanting to try.

• Don't push it. take small steps. For example if your partner doesn't like sex with the lights on try some soft candles first, or talk to them about why they don't like it. Ask them if there's anything that you can do to help and do not push them past their limits, doing this could make them more reluctant to try again. If a partner has been pushed or coerced by an ex than it is up to you to demonstrate that you are not like that, to make them feel safe and to establish a high level of trust.

• Getting your partner to relax could help immensely. Do something that they enjoy and that helps them switch off from everyday life. It's hard to feel adventurous or be open to new ideas when you're stressed out or feel rushed.

• Above all be patient. Habits and beliefs formed over a considerable time can be hard to change and pressure from others will make a person less likely to want to change. There's a fine line between being supportive and being perceived as being pushy and what you feel is supportive could come off as pushy to your. talking in a non judgemental way will help establish what parties are feeling and how to word things in the best way. In the end though if a partner is unable or unwilling to change it may just be that you have to accept them as they are.

Sex and House sharing.

I am temporarily sharing a house with family members. Undoubtedly this is different from living on my own, as i've been doing for the last two years.
Firstly there's the issue of less space for yourself. I have a room but when I was on my own it didn't really matter that I put my glass dildos in the fridge or that I charged toys in the living room. Storage is a bit of an issue here because of the smaller space, all my toys are crammed into half of the under bed divan ( it's a single bed too)

Testing would pose a problem if my parents were like other people's. As it stands they know about the testing and they know that I use the paid on results programme. They seem to be cool with it which is awesome lthough can seem strange to other people. I don't give them details or anything and they don't ask much about it.

Noise of toys is another problem. Bullets are easy enough to use and are very quiet. A must have for anyone sharing a house! My fave has to be the multi speed Tracey cox one. Dildoes are obviously silent as they have no batteries or motors. Glass has to be my favorite dildo material, and my two are never far from reach. I would love a stainless steel dildo as well just to compare the two materials.

The other option available to me is the electro sex toys I own, the clitoral halo is a new addition and is very nice for teasing, though i've not yet managed to orgasm through it's use on its own. With them being silent and offering similar sensations to a vibrator it's a nice option.

As or tips for those who ahve to house share: using dildos is a good option, as is waiting till everyone is out or asleep. Cleaning toys as soon as theyre used is always good but a box of sex toy wipes would be a good alternavtive if a trip to the bathroom can't be done without others spotting you. Duvets, soft furnishings and things like music can muffle the sounds of motors and electronics also.

Living with others dosen't necassarily mean that you have to miss out on your sex toy fun. It just means you have to be more creative.

As a side note I should really post more, but i'm struggling with ideas. If anyone wants me to research a topic and post on it then comment and i'll get back to you!

Emotion and sex

It's well known that the emotional state of a person can determine how they feel about sex and relationships. It's something I've thought about quite regularly recently and how things in my life have affected my sexual identity

It is no secret that my childhood and teenage years were not plain sailing. my parents were passive and at times were cruel and emotionally unavailable. My sister was violent at times, though nothing i couldn't defend myself against. I was badly bullied throughout compulsory education and I self harmed to deal with the issues within my life, I've dealt with all this on a level in my everyday life however, and I feel positive for the future.

I've been wondering about how this is all relevant to my sexual identity.
I like the idea of BDSM, particularly submission and experiencing pain. It seems scary to me that something i relied on as an emotional crutch in a time i don't want to go back to would become something that turns me on so much. It's a worry that even though i like the pain element it could become just as destructive as the self injury ever was. I have not tried anything like BDSM and submission to date, so it seems as if it will be something that will probably be best explored in a stable relationship.

Trust and love are also things that can be tricky for me to get right. Because of my parents coldness to feelings and displays of affection i find it very hard to gauge how others display feelings and the levels of care that they have. If i am not careful sometimes i can trust someone that probably shouldn't have that much of an effect over me or mistake simple friendship for something more that it is. I am getting better at this with age, but there's still potential for destructive tendencies

I don't really know why I wanted to write about this, other than to try and find what is "normal" for other people, to gain another perspective, or to figure out if there's areas I may need to work on while single. I know i will never be able to forgive and forget what has happened in my past, but a major part of moving on is figuring out how it's shaped me as a person.

Hypersexuality and exams.

As any of you who read reguarly will know i have what I consider a healthy sex drive.
The only thing that I am not particuarly happy with is what happens to me when I go through times of stress or unhappyness.

When I feel stressed or unhappy I find that great relief comes from sexual release, be it sex or masturbation. It becomes a greater need than usual and I find myself preoccupied with masturbation, so much so that it becomes a distraction from everyday life and things that i should be doing to deal with the situation at hand.

It's easy to deal with though, through self imposed celibacy. I am approaching the final exams of my university career, and as expected it is a time of stress and i am constantly as horny as hell. This is the first time I've tried celibacy it has got me thinking about how my situation is quite fortunate at the moment. Celibacy isn't too hard to do while i am single, it's simply a case of self restraint, and it's only my needs that suffer. It would become so much trickier to deal with the hypersexual stage if I was in a relationship, as it would become an issue to me if my partner suffered because of my actions.

Being celibate for this time isn't proving too difficult. It's only a week or so untill my exams are over, and im finding that I am focusing much more than I usually do when undertaking university work and revision. it feels quite empowering to be free of the urges, but not something I want to do for a longer period than a week!

Posting may be a bit irregular over the next few weeks or so because of exams and moving and all the other things related to the end of a university year.

singledom

being single is kind of annoying to me now.
even dating sites are loosing their appeal. there's a lot of people I see multiple times in my matches, and if they didn't reply the first time it's not like they're suddenly going to become interseted.
there is no one on the scene, and vauge interest from someone who uses "maybe" and "might" when reffering to my offers of travelling home to fuck his brains out is more than infuriating!
Although it's a bit lonley and things, at least having toys is fun.

I've also been seriously considering getting a Vertical Clitoral Hood piercing. Anyone have one of them? Does it really take at least 3 weeks for it to heal? 3 weeks of chastity wouldn't be realistic for me, I can barley go a day without! does it enhance sex dramatically or numb the area.
If you were to have sex with someone for the first time and you found out they had a genital piercing would it put you off at all?

Dating Disasters

As most readers should know I am single, and currently looking for a fuck buddy or even a long term relationship.

In the course of this I have been on some dates, mostly being pretty disastrous.

Last Autumn i met up with someone in a city near where I live, we'd agreed to go to an art museum because it was free and we were both pretty poor at the time. When we arrived He started moaning about how he hated it there and didn't bother looking at any of the exhibits, at times actually pulling me through some of the halls! He'd talked online for ages about how he loved the particular museum and things so I'd assumed he would let me look through them in peace. what was worse was he refused to go into any gallery that had artwork from other cultures or countries and got really pissy when i went in them without him! Just as i thought the day couldn't get any worse we went to the cafe for a drink. at which point he decided to melt chocolate into his tea and drink it from a spoon! I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. He repeatedly stated that he didn't want a girlfriend ( which is a lot different from what he had said online) and how his family were god awful and all his friends were out to get him, as if paranoia is somehow attractive.
So we finished looking through the museum, and then went for a walk around the town centre, where he made a point of talking to every shop assistant there was, even if he wasn't buying anything and there was a que of people waiting to be served. He had no idea of any of the social rules that are at play in public, and it was just a really awkward day.

You would think that i would have learned from this experience but it seems that this is just t the kind of guy i attract! Recently I went on a first date with someone from around uni, to the local student pub, below his student accommodation. He turned up late, then left me on my own in the pub to go get cash, despite walking past 4 machines on his way to the pub from the lecture halls. He then started to talk loudly about his political ideas, and would not accept any reasonable debate against it. At one point he tried to deny the common knowledge proven facts, stating that I knew nothing when the information is part of my degree. We then went on to talk about hobbies and interests. whenever he got excited he would shout louder, throw his arms about and squeal. I could see people actually pointing and laughing at us, yet he was totally oblivious to it all. I did feel bad when i made my excuses after half an hour or so, but I do think that i gave it a fair chance.

All in all that date was kinda depressing, I know I'm not attractive conventionally or anything, but all I would like is a partner who shares some of my interests and knows how to behave in a relationship and in public. surely that's not too much to ask for?