Sexy gifts

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How to talk dirty - tips and tricks from an ex phone sex girl

Talking dirty is something I am really good at, according to my partners.  It's something I did for a little while as an income earner ( which wasn't working out, so I haven't for a while) There's a few really simple things that you can do which will make you seem amazing if done with confidence and enthusiasm!

Think of a theme and keep to it

Most people have a set of fantasies that work well together, and it does not seem too jarring if you switch between similar activities, which gives you plenty to talk about without repeating yourself.

 there's some basic ideas, such as dominating someone " you are mine to do what I want with, you slut" ,being the submissive "please use me, make me into a dirty little slut", describing a sex act such as anal or oral sex " I love it when you do X". Tailor your theme to your partner as much as possible.  Dirty talk is all about fantasies so it may be a safe way to explore activities you may not want to act out in real life.

Prepare a rough scenario

This is easier if there is only one of you talking, such as phone sex, but can be adapted to give a partner a chance to respond and contribute.  Don't be too rigid in your script but think of a few key phrases and scenarios that you would like to describe so that you don't have as much of a pause in your speech patterns.  This is quite useful as sometimes during sex you will be thinking of other things or distracted by the activities you are doing

Try not to repeat yourself

Repeating phrases isn't sexy, and can throw the partner you are talking to off.  If you can't think of anything there and then ask your partner for feedback, such as "mmm I bet you love it when I do X"  This will give you some time and a jumping off point for where to go next.  Don't worry too much about repetition ( it's not a game of "just a minute" after all!) but its usually not good in excess.

Practice a sexy tone of voice

Part of the fun of talking dirty for the listening/receiving partner is thinking that it is turning on the speaker. In the majority of cases this is true, but sometimes it's done to please a partner and not really a thing you are into at that particular point in time.  The tone of your voice can set the mood and sometimes cover for confidence wobbles or pauses in the talk ( such as a few moans when you are trying to think of what's next!) Practice in the shower or when you are on your own, as it will also help with your self confidence!

Don't be afraid to let go

Part of dirty talking is putting on a character that you usually wouldn't be.  You might feel comfortable swearing or in the use of slang words.  Enjoy this role and let it develop naturally the more turned on you get, let yourself moan and be as loud as you want to, a good partner will not judge you for what's said in the heat of the moment.

Relax and enjoy!

If you think you sound silly, or are not confident it will show up in your voice, try to feel confident if you can.  You can always practice sexy talk through text message or e mail until you feel comfortable with the style of it before trying it on a partner who is in the same space as you

Hope this helps a little and hope you have fun!

When things don't work - what to do when not quite in the mood

Sex is like many things in life in that it sometimes does not go according to plan.  Many of is have grown up with an idealized version of sex.  He's always able to get hard and she's always wet, everyone can always come and it's always enjoyable, your partner has the same level of sex drive that you do and they are always ready to go.  We know life isn't like this, but sometimes we can still get stressed out when things don't go to plan and make a situation worse.  I'm going to run  through a few of the more common hurdles to sex and what can be done to make them less of an issue. I've tried to make the advice as applicable to all relationship types as possible, but it may have a hetronormative  slant, so read on after the jump!

Rough Sex

Being with a new partner is awesome in that you can do things that you have never tried before or other partners were not keen on. I love rough sex and being treated roughly,  it makes me feel all subby and enhances the sensations.  Sometimes it's the only thing I want and I will struggle to orgasm without it.  I love being bitten, as part of foreplay but especially when a partner is inside of me - during missionary or facing positions, feeling him fucking me hard and biting my breasts is exquisite. Rough sex can lead to slight injury.  After  a few amazing sessions with Doc I have ended up with bruises on my boobs! This wasn't a planned thing, but it wasn't painful and we both saw the funny side of it.

Rough sex is only really doable when you both know you like it.  It's also an aspect of sex where you need good communication between each other, as there is sometimes a fine line between good hurt and bad hurt. Try gentle things first and then get rougher if you both like it - generally the more turned on a person gets the more pain they can endure and enjoy.  The traffic light system is also a good idea.  Green for "more/harder" yellow for "stay at that level" and red for "stop right now"

Simple things to try are gentle biting and slapping, pinching, pulling hair and ordering your partner around.  If you had cheap or unwanted old clothes you could also try ripping them off of each other!

Have fun, experiment and communicate to have some mind blowing rough sex!

*side note* I am experimenting with scheduled posts so that my writing becomes slightly more regular - this may mean there are some glitches while I try and figure stuff out so please bear with me!

An Introduction to Electro sex.

Electro sex is sexual stimulation with electrical current. When I first heard of it I was a bit dubious and thought that it would be more scary than sexy. A few years on and I am a major fan.

Firstly how electro sex generally works. Small currents are sent around the body by use of insertable toys or self adhesive pads. The currents stimulate nerves which can feel pleasurable. On high settings it can make muscles move. if you have ever used a TENS machine for pain relief the tingling is like that but sexier. ( i know this is a crap description of the sensation and things, but I'm not a scientist and it is such an odd sensation that it is hard to describe)

Electro sex toys are often used in BDSM but can be enjoyed by anyone with an open mind.

Vanilla

Vanilla is a term used by people in the sex community to describe people who are less adventurous or kinky than them. It can be seen as a slur against character, but the majority of times it's used as a broad description of a subsection of society.

The term has different connotations to different people so it's hard to find a strong definition of it. To me vanilla describes people who are closed minded and think that sex is "dirty" or "wrong" and people who won't try things that seem "kinky" irregardless of how tame they are. It's more of a stubbornness than a general dislike or fear.

Vanilla is a term more or less born out of humanities desire to distinguish themselves from the crowd and to draw differences and feel superior where there probably isn't any need to do so. There's a need in most societies to think that you are different and special, this is hard to do with sex because of the privacy of it. People are unwilling to talk openly about sex and sexuality so we make assumptions about the public to make ourselves feel more individual.

It's only through using toys and being part of the sex toy testing at various communities that I've learned to be less assumptious about the people around me. There's no one type of person who's more willing to try things sexually, and the same applies to those who seem like they will be vanilla.

Sometimes relationships fail because of miss matched sex drives and desires. Sometimes one partner can be more experienced and this can cause issues. There's no right or wrong way to encourage a partner who is "vanilla" to try different things but there's some tips that might help.

• Communication is key, talk about what turns you on and try to think and explain why it turns you on. Granted this is trickier than it sounds but it could be the difference between a partner accepting and trying and them not wanting to try.

• Don't push it. take small steps. For example if your partner doesn't like sex with the lights on try some soft candles first, or talk to them about why they don't like it. Ask them if there's anything that you can do to help and do not push them past their limits, doing this could make them more reluctant to try again. If a partner has been pushed or coerced by an ex than it is up to you to demonstrate that you are not like that, to make them feel safe and to establish a high level of trust.

• Getting your partner to relax could help immensely. Do something that they enjoy and that helps them switch off from everyday life. It's hard to feel adventurous or be open to new ideas when you're stressed out or feel rushed.

• Above all be patient. Habits and beliefs formed over a considerable time can be hard to change and pressure from others will make a person less likely to want to change. There's a fine line between being supportive and being perceived as being pushy and what you feel is supportive could come off as pushy to your. talking in a non judgemental way will help establish what parties are feeling and how to word things in the best way. In the end though if a partner is unable or unwilling to change it may just be that you have to accept them as they are.

Sex and House sharing.

I am temporarily sharing a house with family members. Undoubtedly this is different from living on my own, as i've been doing for the last two years.
Firstly there's the issue of less space for yourself. I have a room but when I was on my own it didn't really matter that I put my glass dildos in the fridge or that I charged toys in the living room. Storage is a bit of an issue here because of the smaller space, all my toys are crammed into half of the under bed divan ( it's a single bed too)

Testing would pose a problem if my parents were like other people's. As it stands they know about the testing and they know that I use the paid on results programme. They seem to be cool with it which is awesome lthough can seem strange to other people. I don't give them details or anything and they don't ask much about it.

Noise of toys is another problem. Bullets are easy enough to use and are very quiet. A must have for anyone sharing a house! My fave has to be the multi speed Tracey cox one. Dildoes are obviously silent as they have no batteries or motors. Glass has to be my favorite dildo material, and my two are never far from reach. I would love a stainless steel dildo as well just to compare the two materials.

The other option available to me is the electro sex toys I own, the clitoral halo is a new addition and is very nice for teasing, though i've not yet managed to orgasm through it's use on its own. With them being silent and offering similar sensations to a vibrator it's a nice option.

As or tips for those who ahve to house share: using dildos is a good option, as is waiting till everyone is out or asleep. Cleaning toys as soon as theyre used is always good but a box of sex toy wipes would be a good alternavtive if a trip to the bathroom can't be done without others spotting you. Duvets, soft furnishings and things like music can muffle the sounds of motors and electronics also.

Living with others dosen't necassarily mean that you have to miss out on your sex toy fun. It just means you have to be more creative.

As a side note I should really post more, but i'm struggling with ideas. If anyone wants me to research a topic and post on it then comment and i'll get back to you!

sex drive and mood.

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toys for boys

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Bitch whore Slut

Name calling is never nice in everyday life, but like many people I absolutely love being called lots of things while I’m having sex. I love to be called a slut and a whore in instances where I’m being dominated and acting like one. In real life I would be really offended if someone used these words to describe be, as anyone probably would. Psychologically name calling is very interesting (though I’m no psychologist). it’s the idea of power play and degradation and humiliation that does it for many, while others claim that its empowering to use such terms in a more positive light. While playing in a BDSM sense I’m usually called “my slut” or “my whore” when I’m submissive. I find this really helps set the scene, (I’m a little pleasure seeking thing that deserves no respect until i prove i should have earned it from my master) and it helps me feel “owned” by the dominant. belfast boy will call me his filthy little cunt, and gets me to repeat it as hes coming. it feels so good to be called that, to hear him moaning and knowing ive been a good sub, and feeling like an object to be used and toyed with while imagining his cock deep in my mouth, him pulling my hair and calling me his slut as i swallow his cum.

Some people hate being called names, while others love it, and it can be a good idea to discuss things with your partner before starting to use the terms. Clearly state if there are any words you do not like,
one thing i do not like is the use of parental names such as "mom/mummy and Dad/daddy" the whole thing just feels a bit weird and wrong to me, those titles are to me asexual ( although i know parents are not) and it just kills the moment.
I'd love to hear what other peoples favorite names and words are while they are having sex too, so comment, or email

Sexy soundtracks

Music has always been a very important part of my life, and in this is a key ingredient for setting the mood for me.
I’m a romantic deep down (very deep!) and I tend to love music that takes a twist on the usual soppy romantic ballad. I’m not the kind of person who goes all gooey listening to Robbie Williams or Aerosmith, but there’s definitely a subtle kind of weird melancholic romance in the cure and Leonard Cohen songs that appeal to me.
Hallelujah is just so hauntingly beautiful (the Cohen version) and “so long, Marianne” is a great song too. “just like heaven” by the cure has to be one of my favourite songs and has romantic connotations. Nine inch nails “closer” is one of the LH forums peeps favourite sexy songs, for obvious reasons! “Forever” by papa Roach is romantic to me with the lines “Because days, come and go, but my feelings for you are forever”. Evanescences “breathe no more” is a haunting, sad yet romantic song. Least I think it is peronally.
One of my favourite bands of all time is HIM, they describe themselves as “love metal” and most their music is on romantic themes. On their latest album my favourite song has to be “the foreboding sense of impending happiness” which I can’t find the album version of on YouTube. “killing loneliness” is another firm favourite and is on the bands myspace here
so do you have any favourite sexy songs? I’d love to hear them and add to my playlist.