A week is a long time in sex.

This past fortnight has been one amazing rollercoster of sexual adventure for me, from a low to some brilliant highs!

In a previous post I mentioned the possibility of G the 1st becoming a fuck buddy ( or at least someone to have a one off vanilla sex session with)

We had arranged a date and as it got closer we continued texting. The more we talked the more I realised that he was painfully inexperienced and vanilla, he assumed that he wouldn't like a simple cock ring ( the lovehoney basic ring). It became apparent that he probably wouldn't show, and come the day before our rendezvous he text to cancel.

I must admit that though the sex would have been vanilla I was a little disappointed. I honestly though that it was my one and only chance for sex and that it would be a very long time till I got the opportunity!

and now for the high...

As I have previously written there's always been a curiosity for BDSM play experience, which i thought would be a long time coming. Out of curiosity i joined Fetlife - an online community. Not expecting any offers of play or anything, but to arm myself with information and to find out about kinks that I may not have thought about, but could add to my sex life.

The day I joined I had an offer from J, a Dominant whom was keen to meet and to help me experience kink. Being intrigued we set about communicating and eventually met up

So far there's a long list of things I have tried and loved, from normal penetrative sex ( which I have done before of course) to spanking with various rubber whips and even electrotorture using the TENS kit and a violet wand. I have always wanted to use a violet wand toy, to see if it is different from the TENS kit that I all ready have. the feeling of a violet wand is more precise, like a pins and needles feeling but more pleasurable and slightly more intense.

BDSM is so much more powerful emotionally than I ever thought it would be, and my fears about it being similar pain to what I have experienced in an unpleasurable setting was totally unfounded. There's something quite beautiful about being able to let go and to trust someone to inflict pain in a way that is both safe and pleasurable. being submissive and having sensory deprivation toys used makes you slip into a head space that is calm and totally clear - which is amazing during stressful times.

J has a lot of tools and implements that I simply haven't had access to. A slave table has to be a favorite. being bound face down onto a table is fun, especially when there are access points to my tits and pussy! I also tried a fucking machine - a lot of fun and so different from normal masturbation. The Hitachi magic wand is a really versatile tool to use. directly on my clit it is too intense for me to bear - J's favorite is to bind and gag me then place it on my clit and follow me around the bed with it as I try to escape. However used against the mons and pussy lips it can make me orgasm in under a minute! For something similar to the Hitatchi try Lovehoney's 7 speed wand essentials toy. we experimented with hot wax, something that is impossible to do on your own. the feeling of the warm wax hitting the skin is really sensual and gets even better as it slowly hardens. Having a trail of wax run down the pussy lips is a strange but great sensation.

There's been many firsts. I never thought I would be able to orgasm standing up, but the combination of intense nipple torture ( 1o oz weights suspended from clover clamps feel great) and clit play whilst my hands were bound and held high to the ceiling managed to get me there.

I've ticked off many fantasies too, such as being fucked while gagged,blindfolded and bound. I've had my breasts bound - a feat I thought would be impossible. Nipple play really turns me on, the rush of blood to a nipple that has been clamped then released is a feeling like none other.

There's nothing about the BDSM that I've tried that was bad or unpleasurable. I found that I suffered "sub drop" quite easily on the first meeting, the feeling of mild upset that has no mental or logical reasoning behind it is quite intimidating if you don't know it's coming and don't know what it is. However on my second meeting ( which this blog is being written from) sub drop hasn't happened. Sub drop is easily dealt with by communication, support and aftercare by the Dominant.

At the moment my tolerance for pain is fairly low with implements like whips and Canes (I can stand more with electro toys like violet wands though, in fact the highest setting on the machine that J uses)

All in all I would class myself as submissive. the thought of having full control over someone elses sexual autonomy leaves me cold. Don't get me wrong, in a relationship I want to be an equal partner, I just don't mind being tied up and treated like the dirty little slut I am from time to time.

fuck buddy possibility.

Recently I've been in contact with G the 1st. it's been a good three years since we talked, though there's been sporadic texts through uni. Now I'm home and absolutely gagging for sex, which he is too. He's made no promises about meeting as he works full time and I'm looking for a job ( though unemployed atm) so it all depends on work.
I'm hopeful in a way, that I'll finally have some sex, feel less frustrated and enjoy it in the meantime. However nothings set in stone, we haven't been through the conditions of shagging ( like condom use, limits, likes and dislikes) so it's more of a hopeful optimism than real excitement I guess.
whatever happens the blog will be updated with something more interesting in a week or so.

toys, toys, toys! ( and a ramble)

A few things this time to talk ( most likely ramble) about.
I recently bought the clitoral halo for my electro sex machine. While I'm still getting the hang of using the thing it is at the moment seeming like a good purchase.
Electro sex kind of feels like the vibrations from a normal vibrator but under the skin. If anyone has used a TENS machine as part of pain relief it feels more or less like that. My e stim has lower intensities though and more variation of speeds and patterns.
the clitoral halo is metal and is relatively easy to use, only problem I've encountered with it is if I get too carried away and let it stray right over the clitoral nerve which is ridiculously painful! At low levels though, with plenty of lube and warming up it gives really strong orgasms. Not exactly the quick fix my other vibes do, but a nice slow teasing form.

Another toy recently added to my collection is the g- ki. while I've still not squirted like I really want to I can get myself to orgasm in about a minute with the toy. Have more or less just used it as a dildo but it is nice to have the option to make it vibrate if i desire. Have found though that vibrations on my G spot ( or the place that feels really fucking awesome) is a little painful, in a non pleasurable way

I've also become obsessed with bondage and BDSM at the moment and whenever i masturbate it's always that my mind wanders to or it's that type of porn i get off to. Rough and hard sex with lots of hair pulling and being called a slut is appealing to me, as well as fanning my curiosity towards rope bondage. I would love to feel the sensations of breast bondage or to be held down and gagged while being fucked or while giving oral to the dominant partner.
Alas it seems like something that I shall have to be patient for, because there is no one on the horizon at the moment.

DP ( or double penetration) is intriguing as well. It's not something I've done with a partner and I tend to have irrational fears about the cleanliness of anal, so experimentation on my own has been limited. It's something I really must explore now that I have access to plenty of nitrile gloves and time in the evening when other house members are in bed. From when I have tried with a butt plug it seemed really fun and pleasurable, so I am almost certain it is something to add to my regular masturbatory repertoire and possibly as the ultimate fantasy if the right men come along. Even anal play will add a new dimension to a sex life that is a solo effort.

Living in a small rural community is great in many ways: less noise and pollution and there's lots of nature. However I do miss being able to go out of the house whenever I wanted and grab a coffee or my favorite magazine without having to wait for a shoddy bus service. Sex wise it's pretty hard to be kink positive in a town with an aging conservative population and people my age I went to school with. Everyone knows everyone else and it's unlikely that anything could remain discreet.

Vanilla

Vanilla is a term used by people in the sex community to describe people who are less adventurous or kinky than them. It can be seen as a slur against character, but the majority of times it's used as a broad description of a subsection of society.

The term has different connotations to different people so it's hard to find a strong definition of it. To me vanilla describes people who are closed minded and think that sex is "dirty" or "wrong" and people who won't try things that seem "kinky" irregardless of how tame they are. It's more of a stubbornness than a general dislike or fear.

Vanilla is a term more or less born out of humanities desire to distinguish themselves from the crowd and to draw differences and feel superior where there probably isn't any need to do so. There's a need in most societies to think that you are different and special, this is hard to do with sex because of the privacy of it. People are unwilling to talk openly about sex and sexuality so we make assumptions about the public to make ourselves feel more individual.

It's only through using toys and being part of the sex toy testing at various communities that I've learned to be less assumptious about the people around me. There's no one type of person who's more willing to try things sexually, and the same applies to those who seem like they will be vanilla.

Sometimes relationships fail because of miss matched sex drives and desires. Sometimes one partner can be more experienced and this can cause issues. There's no right or wrong way to encourage a partner who is "vanilla" to try different things but there's some tips that might help.

• Communication is key, talk about what turns you on and try to think and explain why it turns you on. Granted this is trickier than it sounds but it could be the difference between a partner accepting and trying and them not wanting to try.

• Don't push it. take small steps. For example if your partner doesn't like sex with the lights on try some soft candles first, or talk to them about why they don't like it. Ask them if there's anything that you can do to help and do not push them past their limits, doing this could make them more reluctant to try again. If a partner has been pushed or coerced by an ex than it is up to you to demonstrate that you are not like that, to make them feel safe and to establish a high level of trust.

• Getting your partner to relax could help immensely. Do something that they enjoy and that helps them switch off from everyday life. It's hard to feel adventurous or be open to new ideas when you're stressed out or feel rushed.

• Above all be patient. Habits and beliefs formed over a considerable time can be hard to change and pressure from others will make a person less likely to want to change. There's a fine line between being supportive and being perceived as being pushy and what you feel is supportive could come off as pushy to your. talking in a non judgemental way will help establish what parties are feeling and how to word things in the best way. In the end though if a partner is unable or unwilling to change it may just be that you have to accept them as they are.

Sex and House sharing.

I am temporarily sharing a house with family members. Undoubtedly this is different from living on my own, as i've been doing for the last two years.
Firstly there's the issue of less space for yourself. I have a room but when I was on my own it didn't really matter that I put my glass dildos in the fridge or that I charged toys in the living room. Storage is a bit of an issue here because of the smaller space, all my toys are crammed into half of the under bed divan ( it's a single bed too)

Testing would pose a problem if my parents were like other people's. As it stands they know about the testing and they know that I use the paid on results programme. They seem to be cool with it which is awesome lthough can seem strange to other people. I don't give them details or anything and they don't ask much about it.

Noise of toys is another problem. Bullets are easy enough to use and are very quiet. A must have for anyone sharing a house! My fave has to be the multi speed Tracey cox one. Dildoes are obviously silent as they have no batteries or motors. Glass has to be my favorite dildo material, and my two are never far from reach. I would love a stainless steel dildo as well just to compare the two materials.

The other option available to me is the electro sex toys I own, the clitoral halo is a new addition and is very nice for teasing, though i've not yet managed to orgasm through it's use on its own. With them being silent and offering similar sensations to a vibrator it's a nice option.

As or tips for those who ahve to house share: using dildos is a good option, as is waiting till everyone is out or asleep. Cleaning toys as soon as theyre used is always good but a box of sex toy wipes would be a good alternavtive if a trip to the bathroom can't be done without others spotting you. Duvets, soft furnishings and things like music can muffle the sounds of motors and electronics also.

Living with others dosen't necassarily mean that you have to miss out on your sex toy fun. It just means you have to be more creative.

As a side note I should really post more, but i'm struggling with ideas. If anyone wants me to research a topic and post on it then comment and i'll get back to you!

Emotion and sex

It's well known that the emotional state of a person can determine how they feel about sex and relationships. It's something I've thought about quite regularly recently and how things in my life have affected my sexual identity

It is no secret that my childhood and teenage years were not plain sailing. my parents were passive and at times were cruel and emotionally unavailable. My sister was violent at times, though nothing i couldn't defend myself against. I was badly bullied throughout compulsory education and I self harmed to deal with the issues within my life, I've dealt with all this on a level in my everyday life however, and I feel positive for the future.

I've been wondering about how this is all relevant to my sexual identity.
I like the idea of BDSM, particularly submission and experiencing pain. It seems scary to me that something i relied on as an emotional crutch in a time i don't want to go back to would become something that turns me on so much. It's a worry that even though i like the pain element it could become just as destructive as the self injury ever was. I have not tried anything like BDSM and submission to date, so it seems as if it will be something that will probably be best explored in a stable relationship.

Trust and love are also things that can be tricky for me to get right. Because of my parents coldness to feelings and displays of affection i find it very hard to gauge how others display feelings and the levels of care that they have. If i am not careful sometimes i can trust someone that probably shouldn't have that much of an effect over me or mistake simple friendship for something more that it is. I am getting better at this with age, but there's still potential for destructive tendencies

I don't really know why I wanted to write about this, other than to try and find what is "normal" for other people, to gain another perspective, or to figure out if there's areas I may need to work on while single. I know i will never be able to forgive and forget what has happened in my past, but a major part of moving on is figuring out how it's shaped me as a person.

Hypersexuality and exams.

As any of you who read reguarly will know i have what I consider a healthy sex drive.
The only thing that I am not particuarly happy with is what happens to me when I go through times of stress or unhappyness.

When I feel stressed or unhappy I find that great relief comes from sexual release, be it sex or masturbation. It becomes a greater need than usual and I find myself preoccupied with masturbation, so much so that it becomes a distraction from everyday life and things that i should be doing to deal with the situation at hand.

It's easy to deal with though, through self imposed celibacy. I am approaching the final exams of my university career, and as expected it is a time of stress and i am constantly as horny as hell. This is the first time I've tried celibacy it has got me thinking about how my situation is quite fortunate at the moment. Celibacy isn't too hard to do while i am single, it's simply a case of self restraint, and it's only my needs that suffer. It would become so much trickier to deal with the hypersexual stage if I was in a relationship, as it would become an issue to me if my partner suffered because of my actions.

Being celibate for this time isn't proving too difficult. It's only a week or so untill my exams are over, and im finding that I am focusing much more than I usually do when undertaking university work and revision. it feels quite empowering to be free of the urges, but not something I want to do for a longer period than a week!

Posting may be a bit irregular over the next few weeks or so because of exams and moving and all the other things related to the end of a university year.