Barriers

If you've read my previous post you will know I'm in a semi new relationship. You could also probably gather that I am sex mad and love the fact I'm now getting sex more than once a year

Sex has always been something that has been a little impersonal and emotionless to me. This is due to the more casual nature of my hook ups, I don't need to feel emotionally connected to someone to have sex with them on a purely physical level, particuarly when there's no need to help or give that person more pleasure than I want to, which happens a lot with the selfish nature of casual sex. With that in mind there's always a barrier between me and that person, on a psychological level, and also a physical level through the use of condoms.

Since I've not had a steady partner I have always practiced safe sex. Condoms however make things less sensitive, stop the natural flow of events, requires some level of planning and feel horrible. No one really likes condoms, but using them is needed and I have always been careful about it. In a relationship all of this changes of course, provided there's contraception and both parties know they are free of STI's.  Both me and S have tested clean (I have twice - more than three months apart) and feel safe to stop using condoms as a contraceptive method and have no need to use them as an STI prevention due to our poly group being a closed one. (I am on hormonal contraceptives also)

Problem is we both seem to have some emotional significance to the use of condoms.  I have never had sex without condoms, which is good but maybe the reason why it is emotionally significant to me.  It does not feel as close mentally to me using them as it probably will without and it feels like we are making a commitment to each other when we stop using them (this hasn't happened yet - but next time we see each other probably will)

I honestly don't really know how I feel about it. At the moment emotional sex has been pleasant and a lot better than sex I have had with previous partners. It's often times pleasure enough for me to make my partner feel happy or have penetrative sex to just feel close to him.  I don't think much will change without them but only time will really tell!

new beginnings

It's been a while since I posted on here- there's several reasons for it, but I shan't bore you with them when i have something a lot more interesting to discuss!

    

I think I finally have a boyfriend :D

Me and S met about a month ago and have clicked quite well. due to me being unemployed and him being in a non 9 to 5 job we have managed so far to spend quite a bit of time together (this is about to change due to S' new job, but it's not a big deal as we will now have weekends) As it's been such a short amount of time I'm not really sure on things like titles (we don't really need them, but its why i *think* rather than just have)

    

 We share the same interests and some similar hobbies, and just like hanging out together. this last weekend with him i just chilled and watched him play black mesa on steam, happy to be with him.

It is however early days, and although we both feel confident that this is a viable relationship there are some things we need to do more carefully than others due to him (and by extension most likely me in the future) being polyamorous with another (more primary and established) relationship. There's also the fact that I have never had a committed romantic relationships so have nothing to base my experiences on. That however can be a whole other post when I've had time to think about the formats of it and analysed how I feel a little bit more. polyamory is a new type of relationship to me so I'm not the best person to be posting and talking about it.

   

All in all though the thought of spending time with him and actually being with him gives me the warm fuzzies that any relationship should

As a side note I am wondering how readers (if there are any) like the layout and format of the blog, eg the adverts and backgrounds, text formatting and colour scheme.  I'd appreciate some feedback on this as I would like to make this blog the best it can be. I know my spelling and grammar need improvement (which is tricky due to dyslexia) so there is that to work on.

An Introduction to Electro sex.

Electro sex is sexual stimulation with electrical current. When I first heard of it I was a bit dubious and thought that it would be more scary than sexy. A few years on and I am a major fan.

Firstly how electro sex generally works. Small currents are sent around the body by use of insertable toys or self adhesive pads. The currents stimulate nerves which can feel pleasurable. On high settings it can make muscles move. if you have ever used a TENS machine for pain relief the tingling is like that but sexier. ( i know this is a crap description of the sensation and things, but I'm not a scientist and it is such an odd sensation that it is hard to describe)

Electro sex toys are often used in BDSM but can be enjoyed by anyone with an open mind.

Lovehoney's tv adverts

Lovehoney.co.uk will be the first Sex toy company to advertise on daytime television.
this is a great step for a brilliant company, one i have tested for and promote. I promote them not because of the testing, but because it is a company that i like. Always quick and reliable on postage, always discreet and excellent customer service! they have multiple awards for customer satisfaction too.

The television advert can be found here .this is one of the many banners that I expect will be popping up on websites soon



My take on this? the advert is nice and it's subtle so there won't be much of an uproar about it. I just can't help noticing that there is a lot of focus on the actors wedding rings, which i personally don't really feel that there's a need for.

Sex ads have been done before on post watershed television,and some of them have been very memorable. My favorite though has to be the durex bunnies

Wax play

Wax play is one of those things that seems like it would be really painful or unpleasant, but actually feels really really nice.

The feeling of wax dropping on your skin is warm and when in the right setting the anticipation of it is just devine.  Wax hardens and sets and makes your skin tingle and ache, even the slightest touch then becomes a turn on.  What is especially nice is having the wax run down the pussy lips or skin and feeling it harden and set.

There's a visual aspect too -  when sensory deprevation is used it can be really interesting waiting for the next drop of wax and wondering where it could be and when it's coming.  Using different coloured waxes can give nice effects and in the right situations can look very artistic.

There is some basic saftey involved in wax play.  The higher the candle is away from the body the cooler the wax will be.  Cheaper candles tend to burn cooler as well. NEVER use beesewax or tea light candles as they burn hot enough to give serious burns. Always check that the person  who is having wax on them is comfortable and safe.

If in doubt there are plenty of Bondage candle sets available from places like lovehoney.
 If wax isn't your thing you can always experiment with the temperature and sensation using massage candles, which are more warm oil than a hardening wax


last but not least: this is what wax play can look like ( NSFW)

A week is a long time in sex.

This past fortnight has been one amazing rollercoster of sexual adventure for me, from a low to some brilliant highs!

In a previous post I mentioned the possibility of G the 1st becoming a fuck buddy ( or at least someone to have a one off vanilla sex session with)

We had arranged a date and as it got closer we continued texting. The more we talked the more I realised that he was painfully inexperienced and vanilla, he assumed that he wouldn't like a simple cock ring ( the lovehoney basic ring). It became apparent that he probably wouldn't show, and come the day before our rendezvous he text to cancel.

I must admit that though the sex would have been vanilla I was a little disappointed. I honestly though that it was my one and only chance for sex and that it would be a very long time till I got the opportunity!

and now for the high...

As I have previously written there's always been a curiosity for BDSM play experience, which i thought would be a long time coming. Out of curiosity i joined Fetlife - an online community. Not expecting any offers of play or anything, but to arm myself with information and to find out about kinks that I may not have thought about, but could add to my sex life.

The day I joined I had an offer from J, a Dominant whom was keen to meet and to help me experience kink. Being intrigued we set about communicating and eventually met up

So far there's a long list of things I have tried and loved, from normal penetrative sex ( which I have done before of course) to spanking with various rubber whips and even electrotorture using the TENS kit and a violet wand. I have always wanted to use a violet wand toy, to see if it is different from the TENS kit that I all ready have. the feeling of a violet wand is more precise, like a pins and needles feeling but more pleasurable and slightly more intense.

BDSM is so much more powerful emotionally than I ever thought it would be, and my fears about it being similar pain to what I have experienced in an unpleasurable setting was totally unfounded. There's something quite beautiful about being able to let go and to trust someone to inflict pain in a way that is both safe and pleasurable. being submissive and having sensory deprivation toys used makes you slip into a head space that is calm and totally clear - which is amazing during stressful times.

J has a lot of tools and implements that I simply haven't had access to. A slave table has to be a favorite. being bound face down onto a table is fun, especially when there are access points to my tits and pussy! I also tried a fucking machine - a lot of fun and so different from normal masturbation. The Hitachi magic wand is a really versatile tool to use. directly on my clit it is too intense for me to bear - J's favorite is to bind and gag me then place it on my clit and follow me around the bed with it as I try to escape. However used against the mons and pussy lips it can make me orgasm in under a minute! For something similar to the Hitatchi try Lovehoney's 7 speed wand essentials toy. we experimented with hot wax, something that is impossible to do on your own. the feeling of the warm wax hitting the skin is really sensual and gets even better as it slowly hardens. Having a trail of wax run down the pussy lips is a strange but great sensation.

There's been many firsts. I never thought I would be able to orgasm standing up, but the combination of intense nipple torture ( 1o oz weights suspended from clover clamps feel great) and clit play whilst my hands were bound and held high to the ceiling managed to get me there.

I've ticked off many fantasies too, such as being fucked while gagged,blindfolded and bound. I've had my breasts bound - a feat I thought would be impossible. Nipple play really turns me on, the rush of blood to a nipple that has been clamped then released is a feeling like none other.

There's nothing about the BDSM that I've tried that was bad or unpleasurable. I found that I suffered "sub drop" quite easily on the first meeting, the feeling of mild upset that has no mental or logical reasoning behind it is quite intimidating if you don't know it's coming and don't know what it is. However on my second meeting ( which this blog is being written from) sub drop hasn't happened. Sub drop is easily dealt with by communication, support and aftercare by the Dominant.

At the moment my tolerance for pain is fairly low with implements like whips and Canes (I can stand more with electro toys like violet wands though, in fact the highest setting on the machine that J uses)

All in all I would class myself as submissive. the thought of having full control over someone elses sexual autonomy leaves me cold. Don't get me wrong, in a relationship I want to be an equal partner, I just don't mind being tied up and treated like the dirty little slut I am from time to time.

fuck buddy possibility.

Recently I've been in contact with G the 1st. it's been a good three years since we talked, though there's been sporadic texts through uni. Now I'm home and absolutely gagging for sex, which he is too. He's made no promises about meeting as he works full time and I'm looking for a job ( though unemployed atm) so it all depends on work.
I'm hopeful in a way, that I'll finally have some sex, feel less frustrated and enjoy it in the meantime. However nothings set in stone, we haven't been through the conditions of shagging ( like condom use, limits, likes and dislikes) so it's more of a hopeful optimism than real excitement I guess.
whatever happens the blog will be updated with something more interesting in a week or so.